oh the shit done hit the fan now folk!

i knew when he entered my office yesterday that something was up. something i wasn't gonna like. my boss dan was damn near hesitant as he slinked his way through the doorway about an hour before i was to be out of the joint. i was in the middle of work and was immediately pissed with the interruption. i stopped what i was doing and looked at him with barely veiled irritation.

"hi, nikki," he said as he walked in and leaned against my computer desk, "i have a task for you."

his stance was stamped with nervousness, which could only mean one thing.

he was about to hand off some of 'hatin' heffa's' work to me. hatin' heffa who makes a shitload of money in comparison to me. hatin' heffa who tried to get me fired and called me a liar and ruined my peaceful relationship with him two years ago. hatin' heffa who has been trying to sabatogue my efforts ever since she realized i wasn't the nigga to fuck with.

and now she needed my help yet again because of her antiquated way of getting work done. i mean, the chick still uses the typewriter for letters instead of doing a mail merge, folk. she HAND WRITES info into a log instead of creating a spreadsheet that would make her job a whole lot easier. instead of using the jpeg logo i sent to her for her correspondence and such, she cut out a copy of the logo from a sheet of our stationary, glued it to the sheet she needed the logo on, and made copies of it on the copier machine.

this chick bitched for a month when we told her she had to upgrade her computer from windows 98 to windows 2003...IN 2005.

so needless to say she gets behind on her shit.

and until now, dan had done a pretty good job of keeping me out of her mess. i mean, he knows there's animosity between the two of us. he knows why, too. when she complained to him in the past about having so much work to do, he came to me and i had a list of my duties to hand to him before he even said a word. he knows i got my own shitload and i don't have anyone to go to if i'm swamped. i just gotta get that shit done. i never complain, i just do the damn job.

but yesterday dan was in my office with a 'task' for me and i knew it was some shit involving diane and i knew he had to be pretty desperate to be up in my face asking me to do something for her.

"okay," i replied slowly, my eyes never leaving his, "what's up?"

"diane needs you to help her with some data entry."

oh HELL NAH. grunt work? what the fuck?!? my insides started tightening as i felt the anger building. she's behind on her data entry?!? i wonder why? is it because she leaves early every wednesday and friday on the pretense of going to see her fucking physical therapist for a wrist problem she's supposedly had for the last two years? the same wrist that has never prevented her from picking up heavy objects or typing label after label after fucking label time and again for the same people when she could have had a damn database in place that would store her information and prevent duplicate work? could it be because she says she comes in at 7 each morning when in fact she rolls in there minutes before my ass between 7:30 and 7:45, and is out the fucking door by 3 on the days she ain't bouncing at 2?

"okay," i said and nothing else. i was too pissed to speak. he looked at me as if trying to gauge what i was feeling. my face was granite, folk. i let no emotion bleed through at all.

"so how much work do you have to do?" he asked.

i looked around my office and noted just how tidy it was. unfortunately, i just do my fucking job which means i'm competent enough to get loaded upon. i couldn't even act like i was swamped on this particular day. i mean, i had alot of work to do, but it was the work i do in a regular day.

"i've got the regular stuff. the main projects i'm working on are the ones you assigned to me last friday."

"so you have time to do this, then." he said as he walked to the doorway and turned around to face me, "i know you have alot to do. just set aside some time each day until it's done."

what the fuck do you mean i've got time to do this then? i've got two fucking databases to complete on top of the other daily grind shit and you're telling me i've got time to do some bullshit data entry for diane?

"okay, dan." i responded after taking a deep breath, "i'll put aside some time so i can get it done."

"i'll tell her to talk to you tomorrow and tell you what you need to do."

of course he couldn't tell her to get with me at that moment cuz her ass had been gone since 2 p.m.

"cool," i said.

"it shouldn't be that much to do," he said trying to placate me.

whatever, dude.

i silently fumed for about ten minutes after he left, then got around to finishing up my work for the day and left 30 minutes early (after taking no fucking lunch so i could go register for classes).

so fast forward to today, not even an hour ago. after having difficulty with registering (another story which has probably contributed to my general high level of 'not giving a fuckostity' today), i come in at 11 a.m., get settled into my office, and then go to her to find out what she needs for me to do.

okay, so why did this heffa hand me a fucking stack about eight inches thick? i couldn't help my eyes widening when i saw the pile as she gave it to me and was like "thank you so much nikki!" then she tries to act like it was a shared lament as she said "i can't wait until this harvode program is over!"

by the time she started with that shit i was already out of her office and headed down the hall to mine. i mean really, what the fuck does the harvode program have to do with her getting behind? i'm working on that shit too and i'm still doing my fucking job. don't blame this shit on that. you didn't get the shit in cuz you trife.

i get to my office, plant the stack on the table behind me, then look at my own desk and pull up my ms out.look so i can check my task list for the day. that shit is long and i know i'm gonna be here late as it is. i send her an email asking her for a deadline on the data entry so i can plan today and subsequent days accordingly. i figure she'd say some shit like next monday.

this is the exact response i got from her via email:

"Would tomorrow afternoon be reasonable? These reports are old, and I'd like to get the cards sent Thursday morning. Please make two copies of the (personalized) outreach training report for the new trainers (so we'll have one for the hardcopy file). Thanks, Nikki."

TOMORROW AFTERNOON? TOMORROW AFTERFUCKINGNOON?!?

so wait...let me get this straight...she wants me to drop everything i'm doing to put in some shit that's her job and she waited to the last minute to give me that shit? she has no fucking respect for my time and what the fuck i have to do. that was made perfectly clear. time to check that ass with a quickness.

this is what i sent in return:

"Good afternoon

With the other tasks I've been given to complete, it will be impossible for me to have this information entered by tomorrow afternoon. I can have the information entered by Friday, August 18, 2006. Please let me know if this works for you. Thanks!"

ten minutes later she comes huffing into my office.

"let me get those forms back from you, she reaches behind me and basically yanks the stack from the table, " i'll just stay late tomorrow. i really need to get these cards out by thursday!"

oh, she was snippy and pissed.

"i can enter in some for you, diane," i responded, "if we do it together..."

"don't worry about it!"

she storms out of the office and heads down the hall. i raised an eyebrow and smirked at her retreating ass.

so no doubt i'll hear about this in the morning. no doubt dan will be talking some bullshit about "there being no 'i' in 'team'"

i ain't pressed. hopefully what i did reminds him there's no fucking 'nikki' in 'screw', either.