Thursday, August 10, 2006

can i get more fries with that?

if these mcfuckas expect to delude me into thinking i'm seeing thirty fries in this box, then they either need to take my glasses or put in filler crumbs around these ten fries like they do at lon.g joh.n silv.ers so i'm at least fooled by the camaflouge!

i had ordered a double cheeseburger and a large order of fries. when i got the bag and looked inside, i saw my burger and a large box that had about ten fries in it. i pulled the box out of the bag and saw the paltry offering of fries peeking at me from the curved lip of the box and got pissed. the box looked like anorexic cardboard with the last dregs of vomit dangling from its mouth. what da fuck? i stuck my hand inside the bag and felt around to see if maybe the rest of the fries had fallen to the bottom. no such luck. turns out these mcfuckas had stuck ten fries in a box that could easily hold thirty fries or more and thought to convince me i was getting a full order of fucking fries. 1.35 (1.42 with tax) bought me ten fucking fries. that's 14 cents a damn fry. that's an expensive sliver of fried spud right there. for that amount of money they should be serving those fries in tiff.any boxes.

and this shit's a conspiracy, too. it doesn't matter what fast food joint i go, i'm still gonna get ten fries with a large order. last week i got the shaft in serving from those royalpricks. i thought these two franchises were supposed to be competitive? how come they serving their people the same way? maybe it's stipulated in the universal training manual that the fry guy gotta individually tuck ten fries in each box like each spud is a flower to be arranged decoratively for the maximum visual effect. that's not what i see though. what i see is ten fries swimming in a box with too much space in it and not enough damn fries in it. that's not honest business practice right there. their advertising is false cuz the pictures on the commercials and on the menues show boxes bursting to overflowing with neatly stacked, golden yellow fries. meanwhile, most times folk get a skeletal looking fry box with only a few soggy broken fries crammed into its belly.

a couple of weeks ago i tried to be slick. i decided to order a small fry, figuring if i'm only gonna get ten fries i might as well pay the appropriate price for the ten damn fries i'm getting. when i got the bag with my order in it and pulled out the smaller bag holding my fries, i realized the fast food industry was a step ahead of me. in the bag were four fries. FOUR FUCKING FRIES. 79 cents (82 cents with tax) bought me four fries. that's twenty cents a fry. dude, if i'm paying twenty cents a fry one of those fries better jump from the box and suck on my titty or lick a clit or be a surrogate womb for my future kids. SOMETHING. really...there is a guy out there getting offered TWO blowjobs for that price by a toothless chick willing to swallow. now THAT'S what i call a DEAL.

and the kicker of it all is, i've never once complained to the people giving me the shaft over the fries. why? well, considering i'm a chick with a little more than a little meat on her bones, i can't help but think that if i demand they give me my entire order of fries i'm gonna look like a glutton. i can see that shit now...

"uh...can i get some more fries in this box?"

"what you need more fries for? it looks like you can afford to miss a few fries. in fact, judging from the width of your ass i'd suggest you hand me back that double cheeseburger and order yourself a salad."

is that what they're banking on as they toss a couple of fries into the box and drop it nonchalantly into the bag? do they know that most folk won't demand more than what's given because of how greedy we might appear to be if we do? i wouldn't doubt it. think about it. many folk in american society have been conditioned to simply accept what's given in the form of service, even if the service is shady. if folk demand what they're supposed to get, then we're being greedy. that's some warped shit. it's kinda like going to the place where they say you can have it your way...only it better be within reason dictated by them or you're asking too much.

maybe they do it to condition folk into thinking the box is half-full instead of half-empty, a manipulation of the brain so that people will see the world as an optimist rather than a pessimist. this theory makes sense for me because the mcfuckas and royalpricks are big businesses notorious for their mistreatment of employees and the fucking up of the environment. if they can convince you to see the box as half full, you'll have no problem seeing their low wages as "a whole lot more money than the person would get as a pandering homeless person" or their screwing with the environment as little more than "the taking down of a couple of trees in the name of progress." shit, they're probably the reason why folk see the invasion of iraq as a 'humanitarian mission'. i mean, that's about as optimistic as a person can get.

maybe they don't want the taste of the fries to overwhelm that of the 'dry grade d burger with cheese and limpid lettuce and tomato on a sesame 'seen better days' bun'. wait...i should be demanding a better burger too! or maybe they're trying to force you to go somewhere else! maybe the same folk who own the fast food joints also own the cash cow restaurants that charge 15 bucks for a burger platter, which is nothing more than a burger with fries on a plate, because really, if it read as 'burger and fries on a plate' on the menu, nobody would pay 15 bucks for it.

either way, getting a box with only half the fries in it is symptomatic of a society that has become aiight with half-assing in all aspects, confident its citizens won't ask for more because we're concerned with how we'd look by doing so.

hey...i can blame my lack of a promotion on the mcfuckas. THEY'RE the reason i haven't asked for a raise. if i can be aiight with half an order then i must be fine with half a fucking check for my efforts, right? damn...i need to drop the fries and develop a backbone...

i'm gonna start demanding i get the fries i paid for. i gotta start small. it's way easier to make demands of a drive-through worker than it is to make demands of my boss, the guy responsible for making sure i keep the money to pay for the roof over my head. then i'll work my way up to asking the gas station attendant to show me proof that i'm really paying only 2.99 a gallon for gas when the total makes me believe i'm paying 3.29 a gallon. from there, i could even entertain the prospect of actually sending my senator a letter demanding he stop making those gawd awful commercials with him holding a puppy talking about why he's right for the job of protecting our interests in washington. i mean, what the fuck does the puppy have to do with politics?

SHIT...why stop there?!? if i can get up enough courage to demand my fries, i could ultimately be able to go to the big house in dc and demand dub.ya let me use his bathroom! and THEN i'll ask for my promotion.

AWWW SHIT! i might end up with a backbone after all!

and if it's comprised solely of fried french cut potato spuds, so be it. at least i'll never go hungry. that is, unless the folk responsible for the implant is those mcfuckas. then i'll have to get through life with only ten fries for a spine.