1. If you could grab any famous person's azz, who would it be and why?
dubya's, cuz then i'd be able to shove explosives up it. talk about weapons of ass destruction...
2. If you could switch lives with Paris Hilton, would you?
that's lives, not bodies, right? yeah, i'd do it. there needs to be a rich black bitch on the block. someone who would use her money and power for the greater good. among my good deeds as the rich black bitch:
- buying the dallas cowboys so i could be terrell owen's boss. then i'd give him some crayons and a stack of paper and make him write out a million times "i'm a whining bitch ass nigga who should be more appreciative of the fact that i get paid alot of money to catch a fucking football." then i'd tell him if he opens his mouf one more fucking time i'm gonna sprinkle some weed on leon lett's dick, stick it in his mouth, and force him to puff puff, give.
- hiring nelly to perform at my bachelorette party. i'd make that mothafucka strip, bend over, and let me run a credit card up his ass. "stand still while i tip drill THIS you bastid."
- buy up all the hollywood studios and stipulate they make only films with black leading actors and actresses. white folk can only be sidekicks and if there's more than one white person in that film all media outlets must refer to the film as a white film. also, there must be at least ten films made a year with white trash caricatures as leads and/or "realistic" portrayal of life in the trailer parks.
3. If your best friend of the opposite sex was not your best friend, would you wanna hit?
a decade ago, yeah. now, he's got way too much baggage for me. it'd be like fucking a 10 piece set of samsonite luggage.
4. What's the last thing you stole?
your man.
5. Would you rather walk around smelling like food or smoke?
food...cuz semen IS a protein y'all.
6. If you could give yourself head would you? How often?
HELL YEAH. if i could lick my own clit i'd have permanent carpet burns on my chin.
7. If yes, would that make you a homo?
i think it'd make me one happy heffa so i could give a shit what YOU think it'd make me.
8. Is 'homo' a bad word?
is 'nigga' a bad word?
9. If you could be another race which would you be and why?
get back at me on that one after you ask that armless, legless, dickless, mute, permanently scarred, aids infested, recently blinded white guy why he wouldn't want to be a rich, successful black man with a big dick and a woman willing to take it in any orafice she's got on her body (and a few she'd have surgically created for his pleasure if requested).
10. Think of your most passionate career dream...now would you elect to have that exact job today if you had to agree that on your 60th birthday you would get what Muhammad Ali got?
dream and job don't even go together unless it's "i dream of killing everyone on my job..."
11. If you could kill someone without going to jail or having violent flashbacks or guilt, would you?
i'm willing to go to jail for life after ramming explosives up a pale, hairy ass and watching a guy disintergrate into a million presidential pieces right before my eyes. this question is moot.
12. If you could know how/when you would die would you want to know?Why?
hell yeah i want to know, cuz if i'm gonna be murdered, best believe i'm going straight to his or her house and taking him or her out first.
13. Would you want to have vision like those lights at nightclubs where you could see everything crawling on you, not just lint?
who the fuck came up with that light anyway??? how inconsequential is it to see lint on someone's clothes??? what i want is a light at a nightclub that will highlight brothas who got girlfriends and/or wives, the ones who got stds, the ones who think putting baby powder on their balls is sexy, and the ones with small penises or a distaste for eating pussy.
14. What is your philosophy on life?
life is like a dick...you don't know when, you don't know where...you don't know how...but it's gonna fuck you eventually so you might as well keep a tube of lubrication around.
15. On death?
why yes. i was on him just last night! how'd you find that out?
16. On virginity?
what the hell IS that anyway? a girl takes it up the ass or in the mouth and she's still a virgin??
so i ain't a crackhead if i inject it instead of smoke it?
17. Which would you rather give up, TV or music?
tv. music is to me what gills are to fish. i need that shit to breathe.
18. If you could only listen to 3 songs for the rest of your life what would they be?
i can't listen to three songs for the rest of my life without killing myself.
19. Would you rather have true love or a great career?
love is for punks. give me the loot. if i'm rich, ALL love is true cuz i got the money to MAKE IT SO.
20. What scene from a movie or TV show would you love to live?
the one where i'm mrs. rocky telling him "YOU CAN'T WIN!" cuz that one scene was in four of the five rocky movies. talk about longevity.
21. Which blogger friend is most likely to lie on their taxes?
i don't know, but if they're reading this shit, i've got some tax forms i need "handled". get at me.
22. Which blogger friend is least likely to get married?
better question...why should i care?
23. If you could put your name on any book and say you wrote it what would it be?
i can do that already! this is the internet!
24. Would you rather be a crackhead or a midget?
a crackhead, cuz crack is good...especially crack that's been washed before licking.
25. Would you rather date a midget or a Nazi?
let's see...i can date a guy who i could use like a mobile self-stimulating device (midgets can fit in purses...) or i can date a guy who believed it was aiight to burn jewish people...is it wrong for me to admit this decision was harder than i thought it'd be?
26. Would you rather burn or freeze?
if i'm a fat molecule, i'd rather burn...if i'm a genital wart, i'd rather freeze.
27. If you could beat up anyone on your list who would it be?
they know who they are.
28. Would you rather be beautiful or brilliant?
beauty fades...ugly NEVER changes. at least if i'm ugly, brotha knows not to expect much from me in the way of looks which will make it unnecessary for me to do all that girly primping shit. meanwhile, i'd be so smart i could invent a guy who can translate womanese, cook, and have a thorough knowledge of what matters.
29. Do you have a secret crush on anyone?
nope
30. Are you currently leading someone on?
yeah, but that's his own damn fault.
For $1Million would you.......
Let Shaq kick you in the mouth?
yeah, but you betta believe i'm kicking him in the mouf, too.
Be locked in a cage with a bear for 1 minute? 2 minutes? 3 minutes?
if it's this bear i'm safe...as long as i don't grow a penis.
Chase down and bite a squirrel?
never date a man who calls his penis 'squirrel'. just take my word on that.
Eat a shit shake (human and animal)?
after eating my cooking, a shit shake might be an improvement.
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