sheeeee's SAFE!

"Today is your wedding day
And that's a beautiful thing
No use in me going into
The way things used to be
How I cared for you
You cared for me
And that wasn't that long ago
But I can't help but smile
As you walk down the aisle
Cause there's one thing I know, hey-hey

Every time you close your eyes at night
You know inside your heart
That something ain't right
And things are not the way that you wish they could be
Even though you're with him
I know you're thinking 'bout me
I know you're thinking 'bout me, yeah" - brian mcknight, thinkin' bout me

i wanna laugh at this, i really do. i mean come on, this guy is telling a girl on her wedding day that she's about to make the biggest mistake of her life and that she's gonna end up thinking about brian's ass for the duration of her marriage to that other cat. the nerve of him even showing up on her day like that. he just put himself out there like an idiot!

hilarious, ain't it? downright egotistical to the nth degree. i should be laughing my ass off at this.

but when i look closer, these lyrics ain't all that funny. when i look closer, i see a sista who might decide to play the safe route cuz her love with brian was too violatile. after all, the worst thing in a sista's life is instability.

this song is representing what might happen when folk choose safe over the situation that could emotionally prove to be either the most rewarding or the most hurtful experience he or she ever has to live through.

now of course, this song could also represent a brotha who has no idea he was a really lousy boyfriend and is too immature to be in grown folk relationships. kinda like that scene from the five heartbeats when j.t. was telling duck's girl "baby, how you gonna marry him when you love me?"

...but it wasn't a sincere declaration of his love, it was more like him telling her his dick was such a fulfilling meal that anything afterwards would be merely an appetizer that she would quickly grow dissatisfied with. every time i watch that scene, i laugh when she basically tells him "baby, it was only ever about the dick with you. i can get dick and everything else with duck."

so the song can be seen two ways, but i'm gonna see it from the "come on girl, you know this is the real shit" perspective cuz it presents a dilemma that many sistas gotta face sometime in life...

do we follow our heart or our head?

i've already posted about my own struggle with this decision. on the one hand, isn't love about feeling safe and secure? so what if your spirit shrivels a little each day because your soul remains unstirred? so what if you feel a piece of you reaching for something seemingly unattainable from between the bars of the cage you've placed yourself in. so what if you feel a little restless because the relationship is so easy, you could do it in your sleep. isn't that what everybody wants? he's nice and caring and responsible and listens to you for the most part. in other words, he's that 'good brotha' everyone has told you you're supposed to appreciate and not leave for the 'heartbreaker'. you two don't argue, don't disrespect each other, and consider each other's feelings in all situations. that's love, right? it's so riskfree, you'd be a fool not to take the deal.

i mean, consider the alternative. you might end up with a guy who shakes you up so bad on the inside that you're not sure if you can control any of the emotions bubbling to the surface. you won't be able to stand next to him without your knees going weak or your heart palpitating, or your hands getting clammy because his heat is so incendiary you feel like theres lava boiling beneath the surface of your skin. you'll spend so much time staring at his lips and envisioning them over every part of your body that you'll look like a vacuous idiot as people try to talk to you and you reply to them with an absent-minded "wha...?"

who wants to be in constant lust for someone like that? next thing you know, you'll be fucking him in the movie theatre parking lot because you know if you don't, you'll be trying to sit on his lap during the movie.

not only that, but he'll probably be all passionate and heart-driven. do you know what that means??? it means you two are gonna be arguing at least once a week. so what if you end up fucking after each shouting session because the arguing made you so horny you start rubbing your clit through your pants and tweeking your nipples right there in front of him while he's yelling his explanation of why he thinks dungy should take the offense-calling duties away from peyton (and really, he's got to be an idiot to think there'd be ANY legitimacy to THAT argument). so what if he's got bite marks on his neck because the feelings were so overwhelming you felt the uncontrollable need to rip a piece from him to keep inside you.

his passion means he's gonna challenge you, probably when you don't want that shit to happen. you won't be able to get away with SHIT. anytime you come with an opinion that doesn't have a valid leg to stand on, he's gonna call you out on it. who wants THAT shit? who wants a guy who not only disagrees with you, but actually has the audacity to furnish a plausible argument as to why you're wrong and he's right! oh HELLZ nah. that shit sounds extremely unappealing.

safe is so much better. with safe, you don't have to worry about your heart stopping or your blood racing or your hands sweating or losing your voice because you kept trying to convince him it wasn't peyton's fault the colts lost (even though you know in your heart he made a valid argument, which makes you wanna fuck him even MORE). all that violatile shit can be cast aside when you're dealing with safe. *whew* you can lay back, kick up your heels, and take comfort in the fact that he doesn't care enough about what you care about to the point where he'll do more than nod when you voice your opinion.

no disagreement. no conflict. just a harmonous existence that people dream of having with their mate.

dealing with a guy who will force you to love hard means dealing with the possibility of getting hurt. hurt BAD. he can't possibly be trustworthy enough to take care of your whole heart. passion is synonymous with instability, isn't it? a guy who is always level-headed and never feels deeply enough about something to get heated...that's the guy you want. that's the guy you NEED.

safe is soooo much better.

"I know he thinks you're crying
Cause it's the happiest you've ever known
But girl you'd just be lying
Cause what he doesn't know
You're strong for me
You belong to me
And here's the one last chance for you to go

Cause every time you close your eyes at night
You know inside your heart
That something ain't right
And things are not the way that you wish they could be
Even though you're with him
I know you're thinking 'bout me
It may not be tomorrow
But there will come a day
But when you realize I hope its not too late
Cause things won't be the way that you wish they could be
Even though you're with him
I know you're thinking 'bout me"

shut up, brian. even if there's something missing, at least he can't hurt me.

but YOU...YOU have the power to break my heart.

or build upon it.

i don't know, and not knowing is too much of a risk.