Tuesday, February 14, 2006

pushing off weight

his mouth was agape as he stared at me in shocked disbelief.

actually, he was staring at my asscheeks, currently being gripped, split, and flipped without quit by some cat with a long, strong dick and mobile hips. darius and i were at it doggie style, which up until that moment had been my favorite position.

unfortunately, it prevented me from seeing leron when he walked through the threshhold of my bedroom door.

so my moan for darius to "hit that spot right there, daddy" was greeted not by darius' emphatic response, but by leron's furious shout.

"what the FUCK is going on here???"

what the...

i twisted my head so fast i got dizzy, my wide-eyed gaze surprised as it landed on leron's shocked countenance.


darius, equally surprised by the unexpected interruption, had damn near fallen off of the bed as he pulled out so swiftly he lost his balance, landing sprawled on the edge of the mattress, his stiff dick glistening and bouncing bone straight in the air like an eager child trying to get the teacher's attention.

there was a long moment of tense silence. the three of us stared at each other with expressions ranging from fury to wariness to dismay as we tried to digest what had just happened.

slowly the anger began building within me. my eyes narrowed as i jumped from the bed and in my butt naked glory, stood right in front of him with my hands on my hips. questions were running through my mind.

what the fuck are you doing here? what gives you the right to think you can just barge in here like this? what did you expect after all the shit you'd put me through?

i spread my legs spread in a combative stance and glared up at him.

he glared back.

the battle had begun.
six months prior to that moment he'd told me he had a court date, acting like he was going to traffic court. leron hadn't made it home the night of the court date, and i grew worried. so when his boy kurt called me the next day to tell me where leron was, i was more than just a little anxious and ultimately, more than a little shocked...

"wait a sec...," i said with as much self control as i could muster, " you're telling me leron was convicted of drug posession???"

kurt was silent a moment as he contemplated how to answer.

"uh, yeah." he finally answered.

my hands curled into fists as i held onto the phone tightly, trying to control my sudden desire to kick a hole in the wall next to me. mothafucka hadn't even bothered telling his own girlfriend he was pushing weight. his girlfriend of two fucking years. shit, brotha had always been broke as fuck so if he'd been pushing weight he was stashing his funds somewhere else.

"why the fuck didn't he bother to tell me he was on trial for drug posession??," i asked incredulously,"he acted like all he had was a fucking speeding ticket!"

"he didn't want you to know what had happened," kurt explained, "he knew you'd be upset about it."

"upset? UPSET? what the fucking fuck?? that doesn't even begin to describe how i'm feeling right now," i replied, my voice rising as the anger boiled to steaming point within me, " that's not even the tip of the fucking iceberg of what i'm feeling right now!"

i could sense kurt getting nervous. meanwhile, i didn't give a shit. leron's trife ass hadn't even bothered telling me HIMSELF he was gonna be in jail. he'd had his friend tell me! what kind of cowardly bullshit was that? i started wracking my brain to see if i could remember when i'd last seen his scrotum cuz that shit seemed to have disappeared as if it'd never existed.

kurt cleared his throat.

"look nikki," he said, attempting to placate me as i silently fumed, "leron didn't want you worrying about him. he knew you'd be going down to macon with him if he'd told you the real reason he had to go to court."

i said nothing, the red sea of fury storming in my brain making it impossible for me to put together any intelligible sequence of words.

"leron's really sorry," kurt continued, "he's gonna be calling you soon and he wanted me to make sure you'd receive the phone call."

i just stood there with the phone to my ear, trying hard not to hang up the phone on kurt's ass.

"oh, so he had you call me to butter me up," i finally spoke, my voice detached as my mind continued trying to wrap itself around the situation, "you're the fucking lubricated condom on his dick trying to make this particular fuck a smooth one."

"shit, nikki!" kurt gasped irritatedly, "all i'm doing is calling you to let you know he'll be calling you. you do what you gotta do when the call comes. bye!"

and then the phone call ended on a slam from his end.

i'm not sure how long i remained standing in the hallway before the phone was ringing again. i jumped, startled out of my thoughts as i glanced at the number on the caller id pad. the call came from macon, ga. i breathed in deeply as the phone continued to ring, finally picking it up on the ring right before it went through to voice mail.


an automated message responded.

"you are being contacted from an inmate at macon state prison. if you would like to receive this phone call, please say 'yes' to accept the charges."

i was rapidly getting pissed again. i hesitated, wondering if i should accept the charges or not.

"NIKKI!" i heard leron's voice yelling through the poor connection, "accept the charges! PLEASE!"

shit! i rolled my eyes, tapped my fingers on my thigh, then took another deep breath before finally responding.

"YES, i'll accept the charges."

the call was connected.

i refused to say a word. i was too upset to speak. i was cussing him out in my mind, though.

you fucking idiot! what the fuck did you think you were doing? don't you know a black man got enough obstacles without being a drug convict too?

he spoke first.

"i know you're upset with me right now," he said in a low voice.


"leron, that's like me saying i know the sky is blue," i replied sarcastically, "what kind of shit is that?"

i heard him sigh deeply on the other end.

"look," he started, "i don't have alot of time on the phone so let me just say what i gotta say aiight?"

"i'm listening," i replied derisively.

"when i drove to south carolina last month and brought back my boy skeeter, he had a pound of weed on him."

the blood was raging through me as i remained silent while he continued.

"when we got pulled over by the cops, skeeter stashed the weed in my glove compartment box. next thing you know the cops are finding the weed and arresting us."

i inhaled loudly, wanting him to know i was barely keeping the anger in.

"you're telling me that you were two black men driving a gray buick in south georgia and you thought the cops wouldn't stop you?," i asked disbelievingly, "have you forgotten where you at, leron?!? you're a black man in the south! you can't drive ANYWHERE without the threat of being pulled over! you took the chance of carrying a pound of fucking weed on you and for what? was it skeeter's weed or yours? what the fuck were you gonna do with a pound of fucking weed???"

my voice had raised to shouting level by the time i'd finished with my rant. there was silence on his end as he waited for me to say something else.

"no, i'm done, leron. i don't have shit else to say."

"nikki," he sighed heavily,"my time is almost up. i'll be here for six months. i'll write to you and explain everything. all i ask is that you accept the letters and write back to me. don't let us end this way."

i fiercely gripped my anger, realizing that leron didn't need me yelling at him like that. brotha was probably depressed about having to spend the next six months behind bars.

"aiight, leron." i said finally. "i'll wait for your letter and i'll write back..." i stopped, waging war with my fury at him and the situation. two years. TWO FUCKING YEARS. i've known this cat two fucking years and i realized i didn't know him at all. i closed my eyes, my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose painfully as i came to grips with everything.

"stay safe in there and try to remain as strong as you can," i eventually said as i kicked into supportive girlfriend mode. "don't let this break your spirit."

"thank you nikki." he hesitated before adding " i love you, you know that right?"

"yeah, i know."

the silence grew loud between us. he waited expectantly.

"you're waiting for me to say i love you too, right?" i finally asked.

"that would be nice to know, nikki."

i shook my head to clear it of all of the thoughts crowding it. only one thing remained clear through it all.

"leron, i can't tell you i love you when i don't know you."

he let out a breath i guess he'd been holding for a while.

"hold it down for me, nikki," he said with sadness in his voice. "bye."


i remained standing in the hallway for a long time, contemplating what the next few months would mean for leron and i.