Friday, November 25, 2005

thank you for giving me hardship

whenever something good happens to me, i thank god for the blessing. i realize now my gratitude is a selfish kind, as i'm only thanking him for the pleasure, while cursing him for the pain when in fact all of life's experiences are blessings. why? because it is usually during times of hardship when i come face to face with those qualities i'd never witness had my life gone on without them.

so i thank you god

for the strength i needed to survive my father's death

for the compassion i needed to forgive my aunt when she stole from my brother and i

for the understanding i needed when i caught my boyfriend cheating on me

for the determination i needed to get past the molestation and rapes

for the courage i needed to not allow those violations to permanently cripple me in future relationships

for the insight necessary for me to recognize my own self-destructive behavior immediately following those violations

for the empathy necessary to forgive the men who violated me

for the tenacity i needed to survive the time i was homeless

for the humility i needed to let my parents know i was homeless

for the patience i needed during the time i went eight months without a job

for the ability to love my parents despite their struggles with alcohol

for the unwavering desire to empower myself and others with positive action, which came as a direct result of past negative action

for the willingness to view each moment of hardship as an opportunity for a lesson to be learned

so thank you god for the pain, for like rain, i am all the more replenished as a result of its existence.