Saturday, November 26, 2005

don't let yourself get played, brothas

from the moment our buttcheeks were cradled in the hands of the doctor who delivered us from our momma's wombs, sistas have known how to use what we got to get what we want. even when we didn't know any words, we could still get a person to wipe the shit off our asses, stick a cyndrical-shaped object in our mouths to feed us, pick us up to comfort us, and burp us. shit, i had a guy doing all that stuff for me last week.

seriously, though. manipulation can be very easy when a sista knows your weakness. unfortunately, you guys are making it too easy for us because for alot of you, the weakness that can always be exploited is your need for sex. now this doesn't go for all or even most of the sistas out there, but as a female, i'm tired of hearing about how a brotha got turned into a dog because he got played by a sista when all he had to do was arm himself with some knowledge to prevent it from happening in the first place. it's sistas like this who are fucking it up for the rest of us.

now there are a number of scenarios in which a brotha can find himself getting played but i'm gonna focus on one i've recently bore witness to.

say for instance you and the sista have been friends for years. you have feelings for her and you think she might have feelings for you. you might have even told her about your feelings for her. you might have even said the dreaded three word phrase that in normal circumstances, would have guaranteed you some pussy. however, in this case, that didn't happen.

instead, you two have done some heavy making out, like you've touched her naked breasts, maybe even stuck a finger or two in her pussy. however, you two have never had sex in all the years you've known her. also, she tells you about her boyfriends and guys she flirts with or dates, even AFTER you've told her about your feelings for her. she instead continues with the "friendship" as if nothing has changed between you two. she acts like she needs your help in dealing with these relationships, asking for your advice on how to appeal to a guy she likes or how to get rid of a guy she's no longer interested in.

in the meanwhile, you think you're her best friend because she's sharing her relationship woes with you. she got you believing you mean alot to her because you know her secrets. i only got four words for you.


it's like sports...if you're a coach and you've got a player who time after time is letting you down in the clutch, are you gonna keep putting your hopes and dreams for success in him or are you gonna tell him to clean out his locker so you can get someone else in there? the answer is obvious here. you'd cut his ass quick cuz he was killing you. (billy cundiff, watch out...parcells is gonna be cutting your ass REALLY SOON.)

but back to that matter at hand...

this sista you're dealing with is immature and insecure and doesn't know what she wants, so she's dangling you by a string she won't ever voluntarily cut herself. she knows she's hurting your feelings when she tells you about the other guys but she doesn't care because your constant stroking of her ego is more important to her than your hurt feelings. see, if you were no longer around, who would she have to pine over her? who would she have to validate her appeal on the daily? without you, she'd have no one "loving her from afar" and for this sista, the idea of you yearning for her is way too appealing for her to just cut you off (which she knows she should do if she really gave a shit about your feelings).

she's being selfish and if you think she's got you hanging around because you're significant to her, think again. you're significant to her only in that "no matter how lonely i am in the world, i've got one punk out there who loves me" kinda way. you're that puppy she brings out to kick in the nuts whenever she feels down on herself and needs a little "pick me up".

what to do? CUT HER ASS OUT OF THE PICTURE NOW. in sports terms, this is the equivalent of seeing her as a football and putting a foot in her ass as you kick her out of your life. don't delude yourself any further. this sista IS NOT your friend, cuz friends don't deliberately set out to hurt each other. if she really cared about you, she would either stop talking about the other guys around you or she would break off the friendship herself cuz she knows your feelings for her won't subside if she's constantly in your presence. you have been languishing in "onlyfriendsville" for years and this will be your permanent residence unless u haul your ass outta there. sure, there are plenty of folks who start off as friends and then turn into lovers. however, i guarantee that the sista involved didn't flaunt her sexual exploits around her male friend if she knew it was hurting him. she'd value the friendship enough to respect the fact that he would be hurt to know about what she was doing with every brotha out there but him.

you can continue to pretend you might one day get your dick in the pussy but the fact is, it will never happen.


this advice is for a particular friend of mine, but i figure all brothas need to know what they're dealing if they've got a female friend doing this to them.

oh, and if you're a sista doing this (and you know who you are), check yourself. you could possibly be fucking with a really nice guy who, because of your shitty treatment of him, has guaranteed he won't trust sistas in the future. and i might not know you, but believe i'm cussing your ass out in my mind whenever i encounter a bitter brotha and gotta deal with the baggage because of what you did to him.

help a sista out here, ladies! brothas need to know so that we don't have to suffer for it later.