Thursday, November 02, 2006

perfect love?

i am so beautiful, you think me incapable of being anything but. i could shit on your face and you'd think it was the greatest gift you've ever received. you loving me thus makes it easy for me to not love you.

everything i do has a noble purpose to you

i'm not selfish...i'm merely taking care of myself
i'm not deceitful...i'm lying to prevent someone else from being hurt
i'm not petulant...i'm angry because someone, somewhere, is being treated unjustly

when i fart, you think it's the best smelling fart ever created, probably even think the gas should be bottled up and sold as perfume

when i speak, every word is a diamond in your mind, excavated for the sake of feeding the people in impoverished african countries

this is why i can never love you...

because what i need is the truth. what i need is someone who will see me when i'm being ugly and check me on that shit, not tell me i must have had a good reason for being that way, cuz sometimes nikki is being ugly just cuz...

what i need is someone who can look at me and not see perfection.

he'll see my frizzy locs and think "those mothafuckas are frizzy"
he'll see my breasts and know they're not as perky as a girl at age 21
he'll see my body rife with life's deposits in various areas and know i look nothing like the girls in the videos
he'll see my soul and know sometimes it craves the darkness, sometimes it stays in the shadows cuz it wants to be alone
he'll see me through the fat and muscle, right down to the bone, and know my body won't be this firm in ten years
he'll hear my arguments and know when i'm feeding him bullshit
he'll see my actions and know when i'm being a bitch

and he won't make it all better in his mind. he won't envision me as anything but who i am...

he won't be enamored of everything good about me to the point of ignoring the other facets of me.

THAT'S the kind of love that lasts.

THAT'S why a guy like you finishes last.