Saturday, March 11, 2006


i am no longer your moon.

your tide shifts not, in my presence.

then again, maybe i mistook myself for your moon, compelling you to ripple towards me in magnetic movement when actually you were my sun and i was one of many planets orbiting you.

either way, maybe i overplayed my significance in your universe.

you are no longer my sun.

my axis shifts not, in your absence.

then again, maybe you mistook yourself for my sun, drawing me in to your warmth when actually you were a momentary meteor blazing in a fiery arch above me.

either way, maybe you overplayed your significance in my sky. __________________________________________________________

maybe we were only two small stars floating through darkness before meeting each other for a fleeting moment. i can understand that, cuz stars eventually burn out. they dim, lose their shine, end up depending on others to deflect light in their direction.

maybe that was us. maybe it just wasn't that deep.

and maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. a thirty day burn before a slow fizzle into nothing. maybe we made it way more than what it was. maybe your exposure to other stars like me was limited so you actually thought my shine was 'one of a kind' created. maybe what we had wasn't all that unique. it wasn't all that special.

cuz 'special' isn't supposed to make me feel so...inadequate. i only need the attention of one, not many.
'special' isn't supposed to make me feel as though no matter how painfully honest this really is, it still ain't really honest. silence can lie just as effectively as sound.
'special' isn't me fighting with myself because the way you do you makes me feel as though you ain't feelin' me. oh shit, i sent him that text like six hours ago! should i text him again? nooo...that'd be like i was all on his nuts. he got that message, so surely he'll call or text me eventually right? i mean, is this him playing nonchalant or is he really just that busy?

so maybe what we had was really only precious, a collection of valuable moments of time strung together with the thread of my memory. maybe these moments were an essential part of my growth and for that i am grateful. the mirror has never been so close to my face before. i see everything i'm doing, everything i'm feeling with an acuteness that lets me know i am capable of deep emotion. i had almost forgotten it was really possible to feel this way.

thank you for that.

and thanks for shining in my sky for a little while.