Friday, March 17, 2006

do you know?

okay, why the fuck are people trying to pinch me for not wearing green on st. patrick's day? I'M NOT FUCKING IRISH. not to say there aren't black irish folk, but i'm not one of them. i'm straight up negro and native american. nobody in my fam comes from anywhere in ireland. the closest i've gotten to having irish in me was over a decade ago when i went out on a date with an irish guy. yes, i listened to house of pain, yes i've read some f. scott fitzgerald. i've even driven a ford before *shivers*. shit, i've even sang old danny boy at the top of my fucking lungs before (don't ask...u just had to be there.)

but does that make me irish? HELL nah.

so again, why the fuck are people trying to pinch me for not wearing green on st. patrick's day??

what, am i supposed to pinch a mothafucka for not wearing black on martin luther king's birthday? better yet, pinching is some old passive-agressive punk i supposed to pimp slap a mothafucka with a 40 oz bottle of 'old e' for not kicking phat farm gear on martin luther king's birthday? if they don't celebrate mlk day, am i supposed to send my boy ray-ray to their houses to steal all they shit? no?

so why the fuck am i getting assaulted this way?

is this pinching shit some kind of subversive way of 'getting back at that negro bitch'? i mean, al was pretty adamant about pinching me, and while i could have been like "pinch me and i'll be kicking you in the gonads", i instead chose to let the mothafucka pinch me. fortunately, he's the only one in the office bold enough to even TRY to pinch me (i let that mothafucka get comfortable around me after we played tennis against each other for over a year). anybody else try that shit though, and i'm gonna get real stereotypical on their asses. i'm gonna start pulling off hoop earrings, lathering myself up in vaseline, and start launching my fists onto some mothafuckas.

is st. patrick's day just that widespread?

the thing is, everyone here is wearing green, even non-irish folk. there's a german jewish cat here sporting a green t-shirt, a scandinavian carrying a green purse, a mexican wearing a green cap. even the cat from the uk (the folk fucking with ireland) is wearing a green belt! what the fuck?? i mean, who the fuck is st. patrick anyway?

saint patrick was the patron saint and national apostle of ireland who is credited with bringing christianity to ireland.

no...the correct answer is nobody really gives a shit!

and i don't mean that in a callous way. i mean that in a "most of the folk who celebrate st. patrick's day don't know shit about st. patrick" way. most of the folk basically look up the name and location of an irish pub, throw on something green, then go out with the intention of drinking alot of green-dyed guinness irish stout, all in the name of st. patrick's day.

funny how similar that shit is to mlk day when many folk who don't know shit about the man still get to take the day off, all in the name of mlk. i wonder how many of those folk who take the day off to 'celebrate' mlk actually use the day to recruit more members into the kkk...

how about when black folk celebrate july 4 as independence day when our folk were still chattel when that shit happened. i'm sure our enslaved ancestors were fucking ecstatic when america declared its independence in 1776...right up until somebody had the nerve to ask the massa "dus dat mean wez free too?" and he got a couple dozen lashes to the back for having the audacity to assume independence meant freedom for all.

or when those of us with native american ancestry celebrate columbus day when the mothafucka basically called our folk salvages, justification for spain coming back to the continent to begin the stealing of land and genocide against the native americans here. no doubt those folk who truly discovered america would be fucking elated at the idea of a day set aside for a guy who ultimately led to their destruction.

but who cares, cuz it's a day off from work or a night to justify getting pissy drunk, right? really, how important is it to know about the folk we celebrate with a day off, so long as we get to celebrate the day away from work?

that's some important shit to me. i don't know shit about st. patrick, so why am i supposed to celebrate him? frankly, it don't have shit to do with me not being irish. it has more to do with me being ignorant about the man and his accomplishments. i don't know enough about him to celebrate his ass. i mean, he could have smacked around some black folk back then. i'm not saying he did, but it would be nice to know he didn't before i start purposefully wearing green on march 17. until i find out more info about him, i ain't wearing green.

and i dare a mothafucka to come at me today like he or she's gonna pinch me for it.

"nikki...i see you're not wearing green today...", he/she says as he/she reaches in to pinch me.

"hold you even know who st. patrick was?" i ask.

pause. blank stare at me before answering.

"uh, no."

"then you gotta back up. how i look letting you pinch me if you don't even bother to educate yourself on the cat you're supposed to be celebrating by pinching those of us who don't celebrate him?"

more blank staring on his/her part. i walk away. then turn around and come back to stand before him/her.

"oh yeah, and if i catch you on martin luther king's birtday and you ain't wearing phat farm gear, i'm gonna break a 40 oz bottle of malt liqour off on your head. see, cuz i know who THAT cat is."

he/she gives me a puzzled look before i turn around again and walk to my office.