Friday, December 01, 2006

welcome to fuckdonalds...what will you have?

this was pimped offa mistress who pimped it offa lavender squirts. i didn't link lavender cuz you really gotta be in a safe spot to view her blog. i made the mistake of checking her from work and almost got my feelings hurt yesterday. you can get ler link from mistress though.

there are moments when it's just me and my friend stroker ace. it's at times like this when a list such as the one i've compiled are most useful, as i can just whip this bad boy out, close my eyes, and fantasize that the buzzing noise i hear is the brotha into my ear. i wonder if they make dildos with sound effects...something to look into.

anyway, if i'm in the mood for a burger and fries, i'm not gonna order seafood...therefore, booty calls should be made with that in mind. here is my list.

chiwetel ejiofor

is it his accent? maybe...
more than that though, it's those soulful eyes of his. i look at him and see there's an intelligent spirit in there and THAT'S sexy. he's the brotha i'd fuck after spending hours debating politics and life. oh, and i'd make sure he kept talking to me..."i'm gonna roger you in your bum" or whatever they call "fucking you up the ass" in england...

djimon hounsou

i remember when i first checked him on jac.kson's video back in the day. i remember thinking "who da hell is THAT?!?" you ladies know what i'm talking about. if janet didn't get a piece of that i'm totally disappointed in her. that chocolate skin is just ITCHING to be licked and i've got my tongue poised and ready to get a bit o' that hershey. oh, and he's got some of the prettiest teeth i've ever seen. this is the cat i'd call if i wanna sleep in the silk sheets of his skin after trying every standing fucking position available (he has those long legs...)

michael jai white

no list, and i mean NO list of mine is complete without this brotha here. have you SEEN this body? he's that cat i call if i want a marathon session of nothing but straight up, bone shaking, back breaking fucking from sundown to sun up...two weeks later. every conversation i have with him would start off with "don't talk, just fuck" cuz i doubt we have much in common but that's aiight.

unfortunately, he's not that good of an actor, but there's no acting involved when it comes to sex, unless i have to fake it, and i won't have to fake it with this cat.

wait...i might have to fake being willing to let him leave my house...

reginald ballard

DO NOT HATE. you KNOW you were looking at this cat when he stole his way into martin's living room and thinking to yourself...that dude is HELLA fuckable. he just LOOK like he got a big dick. maybe it's the thighs. look at that smile and tell me he's not appealing. this dude is just sexy. i don't know why he is...maybe it's cuz i see a down to earth brotha when i check him. i love me a cat who can make me laugh and a man with a little something extra ain't a bad thing at all. he's that cat i'd call if i wanna ride it all day cuz he'd be sweating all over my ass if i had to make him do much of the work. we'd probably be laughing about it too, and laughter during sex always makes for a better experience for me (unless it's laughter in that 'where did this guy learn how to fuck, sesame street?' sort of way)

terrance howard

man, where do i START? just enough length to his body, just enough sun to his skin, just enough softness to those lips...but what does it for me is that twinkle in his eye. whenever i look at him i always get the feeling he's laughing at some joke nobody's in on. he's got an intelligent vibe about him too, you know? he exudes sensuality too. and that voice...he's that cat i'd call if i wanted to fuck while surrounded by candles and some old marvin gaye on the radio. i'd bring out the satin sheets for this cat, cuz this would be one of those long and slow, ebb and flow type sessions where we tell each other exactly what we're gonna do to each other before we make love, go to sleep, and i wake him up with his dick in my mouth or something...aiight, i'm starting to get too worked up here. on to the next dude...

joe morton

yeah, yeah, yeah...i know you didn't see this one coming, but hear me out. this cat has texture to him, like a really high-quality tweed coat. i could get caught up in the fibers of his life experiences alone. he just strikes me as a guy who is an independent thinker and that makes for freakiness. he looks like he could go downtown and know what the hell he's doing. i'd call him when i'm in the mood for something mostly oral.

wood harris

actually, i like both him and his brother steve, but wood is a poet so i gotta give him the nudge here. a poet with the body of a warrior and lips that look like they could suck the clit right off a sista and she'd had no idea he'd just swallowed it. brotha has style and knows how to wear a hat. he's the cat i'd call when i wanna quote poetry while fucking and do ALOT of kissing.

Morris Chestnut

really, this was a no-brainer. brotha been fine since ice cube was wearing a juicy jheri curl. this is the cat i'd call if i wanna go out and show him off to my girlfriends like "look what I'VE got!" before i take him home, tie him up to the bed, and just wreak havoc on his body with my sensual torture methods.

ben wallace

why? well, isn't it self-evident? look at those arms! also, with ups like that you KNOW he's got the legs, which means for once i can let someone else do all the work if necessary. he's the cat i call if i wanna try doing it from atop furniture or hanging from light fixtures. afterwards i'd sit him between my legs, grease and massage his scalp, and braid his hair.

i could go on and on with this list, but these are the cats i thought of just now. i might have to do this one again, cuz i've still gotta put up my 'cat to call when i want the toe jamb sucked offa my toes cuz i'm too cheap to pay for a proper pedicure', 'dude to call when i want to fuck with the lights out and don't mind the fact that he's ugly as hell', 'brotha to call when i just need a warm body cuz it's cold outside and everybody else on my list has told me to stop calling them with my crazy ass before they sic the cops on me' and 'poor sap to call when all i really need is my house cleaned and he's just desperate enough to do it cuz he hasn't had ass in like a decade and will probably even be willing to pay a bill or two for just a wiff of the coochie.'

have a great weekend folk!