Monday, December 11, 2006

monday musings

yeah i know...i haven't finished either damon or friday's story yet. i got smacked in the mouf by a block of writers and the pain from it is preventing me from thinking straight. what? that excuse ain't working for you? you know what i got to say for that right? good, cuz i ain't trying to cuss this early in the morning...

i was watching rudolph the rednosed reindeer last week and was struck by how totally cruel everybody was. now i know folk had to be mean in order for the plot to roll smoothly, but did they have to have santa reject rudolf too? santa was a straight up bastid. he disses rudolph cuz he's different. in fact, santa was a user too, like the only reason he gave rudolph props is cuz he needed him to deliver the toys. if that night had been clear and bright, rudolph would still be getting dissed to this day. even his dad was hating. dad should have had his back and you know it. he should have told everybody to go fuck themselves for laughing at rudolph. instead he got that poor kid feeling as though he's a freak. they need parenting classes up there.

and that head elf was mean too. why he have to yell at hermey like that? i mean, who's taking care of the teeth around there anyway? somebody gotta do it. frankly, i think hermey really wanted to come out of the closet. i know i wasn't the only one to see how emfeminent he was.

i watched that show and knew without doubt that i was never gonna show that shit to my kids (when i have them). santa and the folk he put in power up there at the north pole didn't embrace diversity or encourage independence until it was in their best interests to do so. damn if that don't sound like america...

aiight, so i don't brush my teeth until i get to to work. why? to prevent folk from coming into my office first thing in the morning. now they don't stop by until at least 9 a.m. unless they don't mind stinky breath.

i was decorating the tree with my mom last night. she still has these decorations my brother and i made when we were in elementary school. anybody else have decorations that old still hanging from their tree?

i called the tree a 'petite prostitute' cuz it's short and volumptuous with birthing hips. mom was not amused.

ever since my parents got d.irect tv my dad hoards the television in the living room like a kid who refuses to share his toy with others. sometimes i wanna smack him in the head and be like "dude other folk wanna watch shit too." i mean damn, how you gonna have the nfl package and not even watch the fucking football games?

i was talking to a blogger last night and we were coming up with different lines to use when approached by an ugly dude at a bar. mine included:

"i know you thought i was winking at you, but really i was wincing cuz i've never seen that much ugly on one face before..."

"here's my number...give me a call and i can set you up with my bulldog. something tells me you two would make really cute puppies..."

"you must have some really cute kids. how do i know? cuz i heard only ugly folk make cute kids..."

"do you have a big dick? i ask because there has to be something in this for me...."

"you eat pussy right? i ask because when a dude's face is in between my legs i could care less what he looks like..."

"i haven't said anything yet because i'm waiting for you to bark at me."

"a brotha gotta be real ugly if even the low lighting in the club doesn't help his looks..."

"you need to buy me a shitload of drinks cuz i need to be really drunk before i give you my phone number..."

"i said i like it doggie-style, not that i was into be.astial.ity..."

"i would give you my number but i really don't want to go through the whole process of having to label you as the 'butt ugly dude' in my phone and avoiding your calls."

"turn around and let me look at your ass. i'm trying to find your good side..."

aiight, so some of them i made up just now...

anyway, i'll keep plugging away at those stories. yes, i'm gonna finish them. stop looking at me with that cynical look, ladynay...

have a wonderful monday!