Monday, December 04, 2006

monday musings

i got stopped from making the playoffs in the blogger's fantasy league by 2.42 points. ain't that a bitch? oh well, at least i'm still in first place in the other league.

blogger pick 'em? BLECH.

i'm sorry luv, washington really IS that bad...

i'll be in las vegas dec. 25 through dec. 28. i'm hella excited!

you know, morgan freeman would be on my list of men to fuck too. he looks like he'd handle his.

just know that i know. eventually everyone else will know too. btw...that's some really sick shit there...

i thought the motor on stroker ace had finally died cuz it was weakly whurring against my clit on saturday. it was doing it for WEEKS. turns out the battery was in it the wrong way. why did i feel like a guy who had fucked his girl the wrong way? i bought stroker a dozen roses and told it i was sorry for treating it so poorly. it worked perfectly the next day, which let me know it forgave me. evidently vibrators are just as gullible as sistas are.

i bought a subscription to g.q. mag. after reading its man of the year issue. who knew g.q. could be such a fascinating read? then again, 80% of my motivation was the ads with all those beautiful men in them. this despite the fact that half of those guys would take one look at my vagina and ask me "what is that?"

i remember being fascinated with tongue twisters as a child. i'd sit there for hours by myself trying to say them fast, as though accomplishing the task would somehow confirm my genius. now i look back on it and realize i needed a life.

how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? first off, if the woodchuck can't chuck wood, why the fuck do we call it a woodchuck? secondly, unless we can hire a woodchuck to chuck wood for minimum wage sans health benefits, should we even care how much wood he could chuck?

can i say i had to check what a woodchuck was on wiki? did i just make a new tongue twister?!?

sandy sold seashells by the seashore. is that code for 'sandy was a prostitute in delaware'?

i wonder how much i could get for selling my 'seashells'. probably not enough to buy a cup of coffee. then again, it takes a second mortgage on a house to buy coffee these days. fuck you skankbucks.

have you ever looked at a really tanned white person and thought to yourself "he/she got some black folk swinging from a branch of that family tree..."?

have you ever looked at a white person with wooly hair and thought to yourself "i wonder if he/she is 'passing'?

i have a side of my family that's 'passing'. my grandmother's brother cut the fam out and said he was no longer 'black' and that she and her momz should never contact him again as he wouldn't acknowledge them. this happened during the 1920s...a time when it dangerous to be black (as if there has ever been a time when it wasn't...)

sometimes i wonder what happened to him and his fam. like, would i recognize any of them if i saw them in the street? probably not. for real though...there are ALOT of black folk doing this. i'm not sure if this cat is passing, as he's said his dad is black, but ain't no way on first glance you see this cat and think "that's a black dude".

makes you wonder, don't it?

there are times when i ask myself just what is 'race'? i mean, the only race that makes sense to me is the human race. the whole black race/white race thing to me is little more than some person's attempt to separate in order to justify hatred/oppression based on perceived inferiority. in other words, if he's another 'race' then his behavior can't be compared to mine, his worthiness is different from mine, etc. meanwhile, this 'indian' was actually sicilian (really folk...they couldn't find ONE actual native american for this campaign?) cuban actor an.dy ga.rcia has made his bank offa playing italian mafia types for years. ang.elina is playing a black woman in her new movie. in other words, we really aren't all that different, folk. then again, i'm pretty sure jen.nifer anist.on could never play me in anything.

i remember seeing this white dude in a history book and saying "damn, he looks just like my pops." turns out he was one of my dad's ancestors...a slave owner and state representative who hated black folk with a passion as he voted for not only continued slavery, but wrote shit saying black folk were little more than animals. funny, but he had no problem sticking his dick and spewing his seed into at least one of 'em. i wonder if the dogs on his plantation had sore assholes...

aiight, enough of that...

so if a guy says he's married when he approaches you wanting your number so he can fuck you on the side, does he get brownie points? i ask because i had a friend tell me last week he knows he talks alot, but he doesn't stop. on the one hand, i appreciate the brotha for knowing himself that well. on the other hand, if he knows and still doesn't stop, does he expect a cookie?

"i'm a serial killer..."

"for real, ted? well let me bake you these cookies now so you can eat them over my dead body. just make sure you don't get any crumbs on my outfit."

then again...

"i really think black folk ARE inferior..."

"for real, michael? thanks for letting me know how you really feel. now i can stop watching your shows and supporting your career with my money."

in that particular case, honesty would have been preferred...

the only reason florida is playing for the championship is cuz nobody wants to see michigan and ohio state again. fucked up ain't it? count me as one of the folk who still don't give a shit.

one good thing about being surrounded by unattractive men at work...i can roll up to work in sweat pants and a sweat shirt and not feel bad about it.

happy monday folk!