Tuesday, December 19, 2006

2006 memorable moments meme (alternate universe version)

what a year what a year...

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

this meme

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions?

dub is still alive, so no.

3. Did anyone you know give birth?

no, but terrell owens is a pussy who fucks around so i'm expecting him to announce his pregnancy any day now.

4. Did anyone you know die?

man...it's almost too easy...

5. What countries did you visit?

i was on fantasy island up until a few weeks ago. evidently i wished for a chance to meet some chick online who'd send me fake photos of a video ho and make me think she was dying. mr roarke betta be glad he's already in a wheelchair cuz i'd be shooting him in the kneecaps over that one.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

extinction of the idiots around me

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

nov. 26. it was the day the sun stopped shining, the birds stopped singing, and the earth stood still as she died. i still read the text message her sister sent and reminisce about the good old days when she was alive and we used to hang out in the walmart parking lot late at night cracking on the sad and desperate chicks who put fake photos of themselves online and lie about themselves to strangers because of their low self-esteem.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

refraining from killing my boss.

9. What was your biggest failure?

not killing my boss.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

yeah, but i'm not talking to him anymore so i'm cured.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

the truth

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

my clit, for being patient in the face of my unwanted celibacy

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

my dildo stroker ace. it wants to start dating other people.

14. Where did most of your money go?

batteries. da greedy bastid...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

when the falcons won the superbowl...hol up...

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

liar - by the rollins band

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?

as if the answer isn't self-evident...

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?

lamenting about not getting any

19. Did you fall in love in 2006?

yes. i fell in love with a guy who i thought was dying of a terminal illness. turns out he was keyser soce.

20. How many one night stands in this last year?

i don't fuck while standing up, thank you very much...

21. What was your favourite TV program?

network news. best fiction EVAR.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

i don't hate, i pity.

23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

a really toe-curling orgasm that wasn't self-inflicted.

24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it won't be giving birth to kittens

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

nas - "life's a bitch and then you die..." unless you fake dying, in which case you're just a bitch with no life