Wednesday, January 25, 2006

my love/hate for you is everlasting

music is the thread binding my memories together. its melodious notes are woven into the fabric of every thought, past and present, that i've ever had. it is the backdrop of every experience, the liquor my ears embibe of when i want to get so drunk i can't remember the hurt and the fiber i take when i want to purge my body of the shitty aspects of life that leave my mind constipated.

it's that morning after hangover when all the pain comes rushing back after a few notes bitch slap my brain into conjuring up a time i selfishly stomped on someone's feelings or someone slashed their way through my heart with a rusted knife.

it's that ocean i dive into to drench my soul with the memories of my father, when i immerse myself into a symphony of sound waves, my body surfing through the froth of a singer's voice, my mind grabbing for the slippery skin of a guitar riff as it gathers and scatters like a school of fish just beyond my reach.

it's that touch of my lover/friend/enemy/kin to me, whether soft like a kiss to the ivory keys of a piano or hard like a punch to dent the skin of a drum, thrusting me from dark to light and back again...and back again...manipulating me into forbidden/foreign/familiar/frenzied expressions with one movement from its evil/ecstatic/earnest/emphatic fingers.

it licks me down and fucks me up. it loves me til orgasm and leaves me hanging on the brink. it fills me like a feast and kills me like a famine.

i find all my saintly and shitty sides in all aspects of it and am forced to face that which i am because of its existence.

man...FUCK YOU, music!

oh...and thanks.