Tuesday, December 20, 2005

one small step for women, one giant beat down of men who aren't kind

read it and weep, fellas. your girl nikki made it to the championship in one of her fantasy leagues. she will try to defend the title she won last year. she layed the smacketh downeth on this week's opponent, her finishing move "knee to the groan" came on the heels of her "bitch slap" as she came from behind with seven minutes to go in monday night's massacre. trailing by five, with her recently acquired afri-can't hemmed up on the sidelines, she needed her dl brotha to come through like a champ. unfortunately, cat had been hugged up with some fat bastid since the first quarter and had only three tackles up until that point.

nikki was feeling mighty bad, she was feeling mighty low...and then she realized god was trying to tell her something. she turned her attention to the television screen just as her dl brotha, in a fit of pique, sacked green bay's athetically transmitted disease (cuz kid was the gift that kept on giving). that sack was worth FIVE POINTS! nikki treasured those five points like a crackhead treasures a fiver after *gumming down a chocolate stick.

her game now tied, nikki was beginning to feel more confident, but not overly so. if the game ended in a tie, her opponent would go on to win because he had a higher season point total. SHIT!

nikki twitched nervously, her eyes glued to the television, her fingers tweaking her nipples (a nervous habit she had yet to break...and really didn't want to cuz it felt SOOO GOOOOOD), her toes crossed (uh, that's how the broken ones are healing...), and her hopes on dl brotha to come through in the clutch.

and then with a minute to go in the game, the unbelievable happened! the unthinkable thing occurred! a miracle took place before nikki's very eyes!

her dl brotha intercepted a ball and returned it for a touchdown! SIX POINTS! YAY!

with victory now assured, nikki maturbated furiously (yet ANOTHER nervous tick she's loathe be rid of), spanking her clit with glee before bouncing off to bed.

and with that (uh, the win, NOT the nipple tweaking and clit tickling thing), her place in the hall of fame of fantasy league coaches was sealed. she invites you to attend her induction speech to be aired on espn on july 24, 2006. (she'd also like to request assistance in holding down her hands during what will be her most nervous moment ever).

*that's blowjob for all you sexually-challenged folk out there.