Tuesday, December 13, 2005

first and ten

he's got his hands hovering intently beneath a big set of asscheeks. the eyes of his teammates are on him as he tries to decide what move to make. he's delaying the game as he frantically tries to figure out a strategy.

he decides to run the wish(ta)bone attack, seeking to relentlessly wear down her defenses with his option passes in hopes of creating a one on one matchup...

aiight, he says to himself. here goes...


he moves in closer...


he turns towards her...


he opens his mouth to speak...


"hi," he says, extending his hand to her from where it was hovering beneath her ass, "my name is karim."

first impression and ten minutes to march through her defenses towards one of three outcomes:

1. a 'touching her down there'
2. a 'feel her pot o'gold', or
3. a stop at the goal line and a 0% success rate in the 'i woulda got some head' zone.

it's simple, really. women know within the first ten minutes if we're inclined to give you the pussy. by the time the ten minutes are up we have already sliced and diced you twenty different ways, disecting every bit of information you've given us about you. you are then either banished to 'onlyfriendsville' or wisked away on a first class trip to 'getting some ass island'.

while you're standing next to us contemplating your strategy, we are checking out what you are wearing and how the cloths fall on your body. as you state your name we are covertly sniffing your breath to make sure you don't have some poor animal's dead carcass rotting in your mouth. another slow sniff confirms whether or not you wash your ass at least once a day. your handshake gives us a chance to feel the strength or lack thereof in your fingers, whether or not they're gentle enough to stroke the clit or squeeze the tits just right.

as you stand before us beginning your wish(ta)bone attack, we're discretely checking out the options package between your legs and envisioning you naked. we're peeping the lips to see how kissable they are and glancing quickly at your tongue to see just how often you let it out to play. your teeth are counted and checked for cleanliness and absence of food particles or plaque wedged between them. when we make eye contact, it's not just to assert our confidence, it's also to make sure yours aren't bloodshot or glazed over with too much drink or drug.

and that's just the first three minutes. fail on any of these things and you're looking at fourth and long. however, if you've anticipated the defensive scheme while huddled in the corner or better yet, pulled a peyton and adjusted your offense at the initial introduction to best exploit the weaknesses in her defense, you've earned yourself a fresh new set of downs.

tomorrow's installment: next set of downs: when the cover 2 defense can work in your favor