Monday, May 09, 2005

should i or shouldn't i?

i've been debating with myself all day about whether or not i should read at tonight's spoken word. on the one hand, i've been itching to get on stage. on the other hand, i'm not sure if i'm ready. the last time i spoke in front of a group of adults, i was at a conference in arizona suffering from a serious hangover, trying to talk despite the fact that my throat was dry, my head was pounding, and my visuals had just tanked. i'm pretty sure i don't even remember what i said, because afterwards, all i could think about was how much i needed a drink of water.

that last experience may have traumatized me a bit. i just don't like speaking in front of adults, anyway. i feel overexposed, like someone just stripped me naked and stuck me in front of everybody.

either way, i'm gonna go. i just don't know if i can read anything. i need to take a deep breath and step back, cuz eventually i'm gonna have to do this. i have to stop letting fear dictate my actions like this.