Monday, April 30, 2007

nikki vs. the wasp

dear invader,

how you gonna roll up on my spot like this and try to take over shit? here i was minding my own business, chilling with my folk, doing what we do, when you push up and claim what ain't even yours. do you know how long i've been here? much longer than you, believe that. i tried to be nice about it, allowing you your space and only coming around when it was necessary, but ya greedy ass just couldn't let shit be, could you? really, i could have made shit miserable for you from jump, but i took pity on you cuz you were black and already had enough issues. and what do i get for my generosity? you fucking up my spot, that's what! you couldn't just stick to your side of the balcony. you had to lay claim to the entire space like the greedy bitch you are. just like you fucking imperialistic americans, trying to force folk out under the guise of being altruistic. and you're SUCH a hypocrite! i hear you ranting about countries invading africa and taking over their shit and here you go doing the same damn thing. now i know how you black people feel!

when i came home yesterday and realized you had made it impossible for me to even enter my own spot, i knew the time for niceties was officially over. you are now considered my enemy. i WANT you to step foot outside onto the balcony. me and my fam will be FUCKING YOU UP. i see you looking at us from the kitchen, wondering if we're gone. i'm here to tell you we ain't going NOWHERE. i was here when you got here and i'll be here when you leave, BELIEVE THAT.

so take your fat human ass back to wherever you came from. better yet, risk that ass by stepping outside into MY territory. yeah, i said it...MY TERRITORY. i bet you won't do it though, cuz you're a punk.

it's ON. BRING IT.

not so sincerely,

the wasp

p.s. btw, i got someone watching the front door too, so you best run to your little vehicle if you wanna avoid my boy getting all up in that ass. he ain't nearly as nice as i am.

oh no the fuck he DIDN'T...

dear wasp

dude, i'm paying a MORTGAGE here. this ain't no fucking homeless shelter. if you wanna stay here, you gonna have to put down some money, or at the very least, handle a few of the utility bills. i probably should have given you that option, but frankly, i didn't think it would be necessary for me to be negotiating terms with a fucking INSECT. i was cool with letting you and your folk be, but you had to get cocky. my mom stopped through this weekend and a few of your family members decided to scare the shit out of her by constantly flying into her face. your folk should have been smarter than to aggravate my mom and think i wouldn't retaliate. don't get it twisted, dude. just cuz i haven't attacked before now doesn't mean you can just do what the fuck you please. and where do you get off insulting me by calling me an imperialist? never mind the fact that you mothafuckas just pop up anywhere you damn well please, plopping ya asses down anywhere you land like a bunch of squatter bums, not caring a wit if you inconvenience anybody else.

and i KNOW you didn't just sit there and compare what you think i'm doing to what's going on in africa. for real dude, i'm so sick and tired of folk acting like they're going through the same shit black folk are going through. if anything, YOU'RE great britain, rolling up into my home and taking my natural resources so you can make honey or whatever the fuck you wasps make. you're like the houseguests from hell, always showing up unannounced, using all my shit, and overstaying your welcome. well i ain't having it. you can threaten me all you want, but remember this...we humans have technology on our side while all you've got is a stinger.

you think you can fuck me up, do you? i got a spray can full of 'kick a wasp's ass' that says differently. i suggest you take your triffling folk and find yourself a new spot to squat in. or, if you truly believe in your own greatness, stick around and see who'll be the victor at the end. i'll just say this though...i will happily choke the SHIT outta you if i have to.

so BRING IT, playa.

sincerely awaiting killing all you mothafuckas,


p.s. and tell ya boy i got something for his ass, too.