the pubic enemy*

what the fuck?!?

"And now something has happened..."

hol up. that is NOT what i think it is!

"Suddenly, she's been distracted..."

*frantically grabs for the hand mirror*

"By something that has been attracted..."

*clumsily shoves the mirror in between her legs* OUCH!

"She poked and poked and smacked at it..."

*knees and elbows pop as she contorts herself to get a closer look*

"Then she broke down and she scratched it..."

this...*grunt*...betta...*huff*...not...*growl*...be...GAWTDAMNIT!

pause...then disbelief

*blink*

"Now, I think you understand..."

*crickets*
.
.
.

IS THAT A FUCKING GRAY HAIR?!? OH SHIT! I'VE GOT GRAY HAIR ON MY PUSSY?!?WHERE ARE THE FUCKING CLIPPERS?!? WHERE ARE MY SCISSORS?!? WHERE'S THE NAIR?!? OH SHIT! I'VE GOT FUCKING SAM ELLIOT'S HEAD STUCK BETWEEN MY LEGS!!!

"happy 37th birthday, nik...AHHH!!" screams the hair suddenly.

*pluck*



*also known as 'when getting birthday tweezers is better than getting birthday sex...'