the beginnings of the battle can be read here
"listen to me, nikki. there's a reason you don't feel right about this..."
"STOP THAT!"
"i know you're a bit weak right now..."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"but don't ignore me just because you don't like what i'm telling you."
"ARGHHHH!" pussy screamed, "I'M GONNA KILL THAT BITCH!"
she charged straight towards her target with murderous intent, but was restrained moments before she could reach her.
"and whatever you do," after a quick glance in pussy's direction, instinct rushed to finish, her consonants crammed into a bloated plea, "don'tlistentoyourpussy! she'stheonewho gotyouinthismessinthefirstplace!"
then with a smirk thrown at pussy's crunchy visage, she scooted to her chair where she made a tired slide into the hot-pink microfiber folds of the plush cushions. once seated, the protective shield auto-activated, her glass of red kool aid rising perfectly chilled from the left arm, a krazy straw gangsta-leaning against the lip. she reached for her refreshment, her attention on pussy, who was now dancing with rabid grace against brain's restraining arms, her mouth emitting an empty menace at once absorbed by the protective shield. instinct shot her the middle finger, then pressed a button on the right arm of the chair, putting it into reclining position with a simultaneous massage action. pussy and the others vanished from instinct's view as the force field around her went opaque.
"AAAHHHH!" instinct sighed in relief, "i loooooooooove this chaaaaaaaair!"
she settled into the ergonomic curves, offering another silent thanks to the anonymous benefactor who sent it weeks ago. the time following the arrival of the chair had been the equivalent of world war lll. prior to that there had been months of relative peace as nikki dated a number of men, none of whom inspired enough emotional or physical investment necessary for internal conflict. a fragile truce had been established between brain, pussy, and instinct during this time. heart had been sent away to fortify her defenses shortly after nikki began dating following her divorce. heart, after years of living a functional existence, had been eager to bask naked on nikki's sleeve and soak up some male attention. unfortunately, she was unnecessarily bruised due to premature exposure. dating is a brutal business and heart was simply too weak to be an active participant, at least during the initial stages.
so brain, instinct, and pussy had held down the fort. all was well until the first major skirmish...the guy who was the really good kisser but couldn't hold a conversation with both hands and a bucket. pussy had witnessed potential in his soft lips and was already anticipating him working them over her. brain on the other hand had fallen asleep on more than one occasion during nikki's attempts to maintain a conversation with this cat.
nikki, desperately sifting through discarded topics to recover something worth discussing, had latched onto the (usually) tried and true conversation saver with guys.
"so, i remember you saying earlier you enjoy watching sports," she began with marginal excitement, "i'm a HUGE nfl fan. what about you?"
"definitely not," he replied, the words draped elegantly in his disdain, "i don't get off on grown men tackling each other over a ball. i prefer [indistinguishable cuz at that point, nikki had tuned his ass out.]
"THAT'S IT," exclaimed brain over his babble, "HE'S GAY."
brain stormed from the area, her exit wiping all semblance of intelligence from nikki's face. nikki blinked, her lack of cognition shooting blank looks into the sudden silence.
"uh..."
"oh SHIT. nikki sounds like an IDIOT," pussy panicked, "if she doesn't get her shit together i'm NEVER gonna get fucked!"
she turned to instinct, who was lounging on her then mildly uncomfortable plastic folding chair, kool aid in her left hand as she watched the theatrics with surprising indifference. instinct lifted her brow in response to pussy's pained perusal.
*silence*
pussy's stare was now twisted from profuse pleading. instinct became confused. this wasn't typical pussy behavior at ALL.
"surely you don't expect me to do something about it," instinct yelled in disbelief, "my work here is already done and i didn't even have to put down my drink!"
and then it happened.
pussy's lips began trembling.
her facade fell in pubic misery to the floor.
there was some loud sniffling...then...
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"oh my god," instinct watched in complete shock. pussy was wailing like an infant. her normally beautiful face began to resemble asshole with her lips all dry and brittle and pursed so tightly instinct was sure they would implode into themselves.
the glass fell from her fingers to crash on the floor as she jumped up from her seat.
"I'M GOING TO GET BRAIN!"
instinct ran from the room to retrieve brain. pussy watched her leave.
"what a dumb broad," she muttered as she turned to the controls and flipped on the mic.
"nikki...here's what you need to do..."
instinct caught up with brain, grabbed her without speaking, and began dragging her back to the control room.
"you ain't about to leave me there by myself with that crazy heffa," instinct was mumbling to herself, her steps hurried with worry, "you're gonna FIX THIS."
"what the hell are you talking about?!?" brain questioned, her irritation evident as she snatched her arm from instinct's grasp, "who's the 'crazy heffa'? oh NO. WHAT DID NIKKI DO?!?"
"it ain't NIKKI! it's PUSSY!" instinct shouted in exasperation, as she turned to face her. "see, i can deal with her bleeding, you know, cuz it has nothing to do with me, right? but then that chick started PLEADING..."
brain gasped in horror.
"it gets worse."
brain stood frozen in anticipation.
"that heffa had the nerve to WEEP!"
"GETDAHELLOUTTAHERE!"
brain begin running towards the control room at a frantic clip.
"oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!"
"i know! that's what i said!" instincted gasped in breathless bursts from behind her.
brain and instinct crashed into the room just as the monitors show nikki kissing the guy.
"OH SHIT!" instinct and brain both bellowed.
pussy was leaning against the control panel, contentment contorting her features into pre-coital bliss.
"yeeeeeeeessssssss" pussy moaned, the creamy contents of her mouth dripping onto the floor.
"damn," instinct and brain both turned away from the disgusting sight of pussy slobbering all over herself. brain pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and reached behind herself to blindly offer it to pussy.
"PLEASE clean that up."
"really, that has go to be the nastiest thing i've seen in bodily functions," instinct said.
"you must not get out much," brain answered in a matter-of-fact tone.
brain and instinct decided to ride it out, primarily so they could shut pussy up, if only for a little while. unfortunately, they'd forgotten how messy she could be. instinct retreated to her chair, ultimately being forced to stand on it so she wouldn't mess up her keds with that creamy shit all over the floor. brain, after years of having to wade through folks bullshit, was already wearing a rubber suit along with a pair of thigh high thick-soled, stain-proof boots.
things were going well for the most part. instinct and brain kept themselves occupied while pussy tried to get her rocks off. they didn't dare leave the room for fear pussy would have nikki do something crazy like declare her undying love for a football-hating loser. it's one thing to kiss him, but to declare any kind of affection would have been blasphemous.
brain was doing a crossword puzzle when she felt pussys presence in front of her. brain looked up. pussy was no longer happy.
"you're right. we gotta get away from this cat pronto."
brain was perplexed.
"what do you mean? weren't you just enjoying this guy and his kisses?"
"that was then, this is now. get nikki out of there."
brain gave pussy another strange look, then got up and walked to the control panel. she flicked on the mic.
"nikki, he hates football. get the fuck outta there."
instinct, who was caught up in her x-men comic book, looked up just as brain sends the command to nikki.
"what's up?"
"pussy said we gotta get nikki out of there, so that's what i'm doing." replied brain.
instinct cast a suspicious look at pussy.
"what happened, pussy," she asked as she crossed her arms, "you put us through all these fucking changes and now you ending the game prematurely? what gives?!?"
pussy didn't answer for a minute, still stewing over the fact she wasn't gonna get laid. when she was calm enough to speak, the words were pushed through clenched teeth.
"nikki felt his crotch."
"oh. NO." brain moaned, "dude sporting a wee wittle wee wee?!? isn't this cat like 6'2?!? how he gonna be that tall and have a little dick?!? that's false advertising! tall = big dick. shit, it's right there in the anatomy books!"
"maybe we should get nikki interested in the short guys again. their dicks weren't tremendously long but a few turned out to be the thick tree trunk kind," instinct chimed in.
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?" pussy exclaimed. "it's not that he had a small dick! y'all know i ain't that damn shallow!"
brain and instinct both looked at her like she had grown a second head. pussy bristled.
"oh come on!" the words burst from pussy's lips after a few moments of disbelieving silence, "nikki had her hand down there for about three minutes before she found his balls. y'all know that's a DEALBREAKER for ALL OF US!"
brain ran to the control panel to find nikki fishing for a way to extract herself from the situation.
"my goodness. is this woman COMPLETELY HELPLESS without me?!?"
she turned on the mic and yelled.
"JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE A LESBIAN!"
instinct and pussy fell out laughing.
nikki was confused for a minute, then came up with the brilliant way to get rid of the football-hating loser.
"i'm so sorry," she stated with care for his feelings, "but i just remembered i'm a lesbian."
then she grabbed her purse and got up to leave, remembering at the last minute to put a butch pimp to her gait.
back inside, brain was cringing.
"that was NOT a smooth outro. see, this is what happens when we don't work as a team."
instinct and pussy nodded in agreement.
"i think we should make a pact here and now to work together," brain began in earnest, " otherwise, we're gonna have nikki looking bad and then she's gonna be unhappy and when she's unhappy, we ALL suffer."
so it was on that day instinct, brain, and pussy made a pact to work as a team to ensure nikki's happiness.
things went well for about a week.
and then nikki met redrum and suddenly all bets were off.
questions to be answered in the next episode:
1. where da hell is heart? is she coming back?
2. who sent instinct that chair...that seems kinda suspicious
3. will redrum be enough to satisfy everyone or will pussy be the one to rule the day yet again?!?
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