Tuesday, March 27, 2007

internal discussion

"why i gotta give him up?!?" her heart whined.

"i can tell he knows how to fuck! what the fuck are you DOING?!?" her pussy yelled desperately.

"he actually put two sentences together without using the phrase 'nowhatimean', said her brain matter-of-factly, " so i'm kinda partial towards him..."

but in the end, her instinct stepped in and silenced everybody. she'd been sitting in the corner quietly, sipping red kool aid through a swirly straw, her keds kicked up on the table in front of her, watching the battle with bemusement.

"look...," instinct said as she stepped between the waring factions, "didn't you hear what that guy just said? there ain't no getting around it. he ain't the one."

her heart, the selfish heffa she's always been, refused to accept what instinct had just told her.

"i don't care what he said!" she screamed frantically (she really was too melodramatic for her own good...), "i want him! don't you see how he's affecting me? i'm all fluttery! he's got me skipping around and shit! when's the last time a guy made me SKIP?"

pussy's lips twitched as she witnessed heart's dramatics. she quivered a little, trying to get a hold of her own reaction to the guy as she spoke.

"personally, i could give a shit what the dude says," she said sardonically, "so long as he knows how to speak in tongue."

brain noticed pussy frothing at the mouth, creamy liquid coating her lips. she hadn't seen that in a long time and after all these years it still had the ability to gross her out. she whipped out a hanky and handed it to pussy.

"wipe that shit offa your lips, ya nasty bastid..."

"you must have me confused with asshole, cuz i don't ever EVER have shit on THESE lips."

"you know what the fuck i mean," replied brain as she stared pointedly at the cream glistening pussy's mouth.

"at this point i'm willing to let what he said slide," brain responded wearily as she turned to the others,"i'm tired of pussy's dry attitude. her dissatisfaction is taking all of the fun out of my daily existence. i can't hear myself think as long as she stays crunchy like that."

heart, pussy, and brain all looked expectantly at instinct, hopeful she could resolve the matter. instinct sighed. why am i always the one asked to make the final decision? sometimes these broads can be idiots.

"i'm tired of always fighting with you three. i've told you how i feel about the matter," instinct finallly replied with frustration as she turned and headed back to her chair, "you figure this shit out for yourselves."

she plopped herself into the chair and glared at the others silently.

"why is she so upset?" heart asked the two who were left standing near her.

"because nikki rarely listens to her, that's why," said brain with a smug note to her voice.

"what are you talking about? she's all nikki's been listening to lately! " replied pussy derisively as she tossed a bitter glance in intinct's direction, " it's because of that instinct heffa that i haven't been getting any lately."

"don't get that shit twisted," instinct yelled at them from the corner after overhearing pussy's complaint, "nikki ain't listening to my ass. if she did, she'd have left this cat right after he said what he said."

instinct sighed. she was used to this shit by now and yet everytime it happened her frustration grew. why couldn't nikki get her shit together? why did it seem like every time she was about to listen to instinct she punked out and ended up listening to one of those other broads? why did nikki always have her on call when she never bothered actually adhering to what she said? she continued to brood as she sipped on her kool aid, never completely taking her attention off of the conversation nikki was having with dude.

"somebody find courage and have her make nikki ask dude to clarify his statement about eating me," demanded pussy, "cuz if he means what i think he means then i'm with instinct...nikki needs to cut his ass NOW."

instinct snickered. brain bristled. heart gasped.

"when's the last time you've seen courage?," brain asked disdainfully, "that chick has been a fucking ghost lately. most recently i saw her retreating back as she fled the scene right after that movie started. nikki ended up looking like a punk that night. i mean come ON...who's afraid of scooby doo?!?"

"evidently nikki is, thanks to courage's disappearing act," heart answered with a giggle, "i still remember her putting her hands in front of her face when the ghoul was chasing after shaggy."

they all laughed at that.

"i'm sayin," continued pussy as though she hadn't been interrupted, "for once i'd like nikki to consider MY feelings."

brain, instinct, and heart stared at her in disbelief. pussy stared back but remained silent.

"puleeze!" heart exclaimed, "she gives you attention at least once every day!"

"and twice on weekends," added brain.

"yeah," pussy's tone was drowned in sarcasm, "i either get assaulted by a couple of fingers tipped with jagged nails or have my mouth stuffed with an overused rubber dildo. a dildo i might add, that tastes like someone dipped it in shit."

"is nikki sticking 'stroker ace' in her ass now?!?"instincts eyes widened incredulously, "cuz i could have sworn she didn't like that anal mess..."

"desperation stopped through last week," pussy said by way of explanation.

"OHHHHH," the other three responded knowingly.

"either way, you still get better treatment than we do," instinct instigated.

"meanwhile nikki hasn't been in school in MONTHS," brain retorted.

"and she hasn't been in love in YEARS," heart wailed.

"and she hasn't...hold up, why the hell are we fussing with pussy?, instinct muttered with exasperation, "y'all know she selfish. she don't care about anything but her own pleasure."

"...and nikki needs a fucking manicure for REAL," said pussy, ignoring instinct.

brain, instinct, and heart glared at pussy. pussy shrugged.

after rolling her eyes, brain half-heartedly returned her concentration to the conversation nikki was having with dude.

"i'm starting to think perhaps instinct is right," said brain after a thought, "cuz if this brotha had any kind of conversation i'd be too busy to engage in this farce of an argument with you three."

heart sighed. she knew her last chance had been brain. with the three of them against her, she didn't stand a chance.

"stop pouting, heart," instinct said as she put her arm around heart's shoulders, "there will be other chances for nikki to fall in love. i can feel it."

heart began to weep softly. pussy shook her head in disgust.

"you're pathetic, you know that heart?"

"i can't help it," she cried brokenly, "i just want to be in love sooooo bad..."

"and i want a guy with a tongue that knows me better than i know myself," pussy responded with a pinch to her mouth, "but we can't all have what we want, now can we?"

"shut up pussy," instinct barked as she continued to console heart.

"at this point i'm ready to tell nikki to go home and masturbate so she can shut pussy the fuck up," said brain as she scowled at pussy.

"ALRIGHT!" pussy exclaimed, "i'll shut up! i'm tired of her fingers fucking with me!"

brain and instinct exchanged glances. heart stopped weeping. then there was silence. all four began to intently listen to nikki's conversation with dude.

"hold up...did he just say he was a washington redskins fan?!?" asked heart.

"yup," answered brain.

"oh HELL NAH!," yelled heart, "DON'T GIVE HIM THE NUMBER NIKKI!"

even heart has her standards...

[nikki, having heard her heart speak, responds accordingly]

"it was nice talking to you, but i don't think i should give you my number..." said nikki slowly.

"why not?" he asked.

nikki starts to hesitate...

[back inside]

"somebody find courage's ass PLEASE before we end up having to dodge this negro's phone calls for the next month!"