you da one...

i want you.

i hope you have no idea how badly i want you.

i keep my ardent eyes cloaked in indifference whenever you're around, forcing remoteness to control my perusal of your anatomy even as my desire takes digital images of every inch, pocketing your perfection to later put up in the shrine of you in my mind.

"you're staring, nik" you'd said to me last week while we were hanging out at the park.

"nah, i'm just woolgathering, luv" i'd answered, having purposely placed my attention elsewhere so that you couldn't find the boldly rendered illustration of my willingness to surrender on the canvas of my visage. i raised my face towards the sun, hoping the direct heat woul dry the pant faster.

"well that guy thinks you're staring at him." you answered, unaware i was trying to dress 'that guy' in your appeal so that i could finally stop whatever the hell this was affecting me. unfortunately for him your allure is tailor-made. i mentally snatched it off of him in frustration.

"shit," i'd muttered as i glanced up at the magnolia tree branch above us and wished i could lynch this attraction, just wrap a rope of common sense around it's throat and strangle the fucking bastid until it's neck was snapped by the gravity of the situation.

then i'd turned to you and laughed, stashing my need deep inside the sound, a forced carefree guffaw veined with infinitesimal cracks borne of a crumbling composure. you'd looked at me carefully, as though the sound was leaking something you couldn't quite make out. i'd prayed you wouldn't poke your sharp discernment through it and shatter it into fractured weeping.

i'd averted my eyes. it's best to keep the windows closed.

cuz i want you

but i ain't ready for this