Friday, July 15, 2005

i decided to take a leave of absence from the poverty pimps

initially i was gonna quit, but decided to instead take a leave of absence so that i can use their resources to set up my own non-profit organization. it's a rather sneaky plan because i plan on leaving them permanently when the leave of absence is up at the end of september.

i just can't stay any longer. they're so fucking corrupt. they get grants and then take the money and it disappears and the programs that were supposed to benefit from the money have nothing to show for it. i'm beginning to believe there are more corrupt non-profits out there than those that are non-corrupt. it's the cynic in me. non-profits were established to serve the community. think about it though...what if the very problem that required the existence of a non-profit was suddenly eliminated? if adult literacy was no longer a problem, what would happen to those organizations that were established to battle against it?

unfortunately, too many non-profit folks are fearful of idea that they will no longer be needed and therefore, have made a concerted effort to make sure they're ALWAYS needed. they make sure they're only effective enough to ensure they receive additional funding, as if the promised land of empowerment for all is always just beyond their grasps, just a few dollars away from being attained. i see them make the community members dependent upon them instead of making the members independent and empowered enough to feel as though they can succeed despite the obstacles.

that's the kind of organization i work for. the kind where the people running it don't actually like to engage on a personal level with the people who are benefitting from their programs. they're the kind of people who lament about the problems but don't see the humanity in the people they're supposed to serve. they don't witness the pride, intelligence, and beauty within these people. they don't see the importance of treating the people they serve as though their thoughts mattered, as though THEY mattered. the people i work for instead only see the service and how it can promote their prominence in the community. they go on and on about the awards they received (the last one being damn near five years ago from some obscure entity) and care nothing of the impact upon the community unless it has something to do with promoting their image in a positive light.

and i'm fucking tired of being surrounded by people like that. i want to know that with every minute of effort i put into the community, i'm doing it representing an organization that actually gives a shit about the community instead of just taking a shit upon its head. if this means i've gotta set up my own organization than so be it. it would be worse for me not to do anything at all. i hope the success of those i serve will make the existence of my organization unnecessary. hell, i fucking PRAY that day comes. i pray for a day when there is no longer a need to assist those who suffer from the results of socioeconomic inequality because those folks will no longer exist.

dex thinks i'm a cynic, and i know that's part of me. however, the beat of my heart drums to the rhythm of an optimist. i told him "don't look to my mouth for proof of what i am, look to my hands to see what they're doing. if afterwards, you still see only a cynic, then at least recognize that the cynic in me is motivated to change things so that i won't have to be a cynic the rest of my life."