Tuesday, October 28, 2008

is he?

i really think my dad is stepping out on my mom. i've got all kinds of scenarios in my head of how i'd confront him with it, but the truth of the matter is i can't really say shit. i mean, if i tell him i know, then i'd feel bad if it's confirmed and i don't tell mom, and i can't tell mom cuz that's between husband and wife. on the other hand, he's the worse liar in the world and i'm SOOOO over with him trying to come up with new lies to tell (or worse, thinking the old ones can be recycled when they didn't work the first damn time he told them...)

mom's been out of town for the last two weeks and it seems like dad has been extra liarful lately...

dad leaving a message on my mobile: hey nikki (pause) i'm gonna be going to the movies tonight. i'll give you a call sometime later tonight.

now here's the thing...if i were doing dirt, i'd call someone with the place i'll be which includes a time at which point i'll call them back so that they don't call me. he was smart there (besides the pause, which is suspect...i mean, do you have to think about the fact you going to the movies? you either going or you not, right?)

so dad calls later that night (quite late for a guy who went to the movies around 6 p.m.) and i'm like "wassup, dad."

dad: i'm gonna be heading to the okefenokee swamp tomorrow. i'll be there all day.
me (after giving the phone a hard side eye...yeah, i got that from opinionated diva): really? what you going down there for?
dad: i'm gonna be taking photos.
me (now adding the side 'oh really now' smirk to my face): oh. you going with newburn? (that's his photography buddy who he hasn't hung out with in YEARS...)
dad (after a pause of about three seconds): yesssss. i'm going with newburn.
me (after waiting for him to add "yeah, that's the ticket!" to the end of that statement): okay. so you gonna call me when you get there, right?
dad (now trying to catch up with his daughter who he evidently thought was fee dee hut da eee dee yut): well nikki, we won't be near any phones.
me: dad, are you serious? you do have a mobile phone. you're calling me from it now. (when you could have just called me from the HOME phone, seeing as you're trying to imply you're HOME.) if i tried to go on a trip and not call you to let you know i got there safely, you'd have a fit.
silence...probably while dad tried to come up with something else to say. didn't think it would be this fucking difficult, did you daddy?
dad: well i'll be leaving pretty early in the morning.
me (after saying to myself "what the fuck does that have to do with anything?!?): um, okay. and when you get there, just call.
dad: okay.

i spent the remainder of the night stewing on that, cuz my instinct is telling me his ass is lying. next day rolls around, i get no phone call from dad. i call him early afternoon...no answer. later that night, i get a call from him. now, i want you to guess what happened:

a. there was no phone signal at the swamp, which is why he didn't call.
b. he didn't go and his phone was somehow misplaced for an entire day....which is why he didn't call.
c. he comes up with some elaborate reason he didn't go and doesn't even bother to explain why he didn't call.

me (so cynical at this point i don't even wanna hear what he come up with): hey dad.
dad: hey nikki.
me: so how was the trip?
dad: well, we didn't go. something happened to the van and [insert ridiculously elaborate tale about a van, a chick he mentioned by name who was evidently going with them (but was never mentioned prior to that moment), a few other women who i think were added to the tale cuz it was beginning to sound like he was going somewhere with just the one chick and he had to cover his tracks, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a father who's up a shit creek with that bullshit lie he pulled literally out of the crack of his ass. oh...and absolutely no mention of newburn...]
ten minutes later...

me: so you didn't go.
dad: no, but we're gonna go to helen, ga tomorrow.
me (after rolling my eyes cuz really...i want to be like "just stop. you are truly insulting my intelligence here...): so you're gone the whole day?
dad: yes.
me: well call when you get there.
dad: okay.

next day comes and goes. i don't speak to him until the day after that day(monday), at which point he tells me he went to helen, ga, then to the movies. i'm shaking my head the whole time. whateverz.

on tuesday, i called him to ask what movie he'd seen. i said it was cuz i was going on a date later that night and wanted to know of a good movie to check out. really i just wanted to see what he'd say.

me: you left a message saying you went on friday and then you told me yesterday you went on sunday. so what did you see?
dad (after another fucking pause): i saw the rocket. that movie about ernie davis.
me: really? who's in it?
dad (and i quote): i don't remember. that black guy. you know who i'm talking about.

at this point, i am NO LONGER ABLE (also picked up from opinionated diva). i cut the convo short and get off the phone.

OMG...MY DAD IS ONE OF THOSE MEN! reality is a bitch...

aiight, so here are some questions:

1. do you think he's cheating? i mean, it's not like i caught him with his pants down, but his lying is beyond atrocious.
2. have you ever had to deal with a cheating parent? what did you do?!?
3. if you haven't dealt in it before, what would you do?
4. how do you continue to be around someone who obviously cares very little about the damage he's causing to the family?