it's the fucking principle...

for the last week i've been trying to set up utilities in my new spot. initially it was with a ho-hum attitude. i mean, how hard could it possibly be to have gas, water, electric, internet, phone, and satellite/cable hooked up?

evidently this shit is harder than it was to free mandela, cuz i've had nothing but problems since i began this endeavor.

first off, is it just me, or is at&t quietly re-establishing itself as a monopoly again? someone please explain to me how the fuck at&t can buy bellsouth when it was forced to relinquish "bellsouth formerly known as at&t's southern regional office" twenty-five years ago because the government determined it was a monopoly?

so if a pimp is forced to give up his hoes cuz pimpin is against the law and the hoes change their job titles to "independent pussy contractors" and do their biz for a few years before the pimps buy them back, is the pimping no longer considered illegal? according to the government's logic, it shouldn't be. i'm gonna use the same logic when i buy back the weed the police confiscated from my back yard during the drug raid last week.

mind you, it wasn't a big deal with me until i was attempting to set up my local phone, internet, and satellite tv service. when that at&t/bellsouth deal initially went down a few years ago, i was slightly perturbed, but not truly disturbed. no, it wasn't until i was adding up the cost for my services that i took offense with at&t and their "hiding in plain sight" monopolizing tactics.

initially everything appeared to be aiight. i'm at at&t's website, and i'm starting to get excited cuz i see they've got the "bundle deal"...i can order the phone, internet, and tv service for one tidy lil sum. as a chick who hates having to pay bills, this was perfect for me.

first step is to choose the services i want...

local service - i choose the basic deal at 17.95 cuz all i want is local. i don't need all that bullshit stuff like caller id, call-waiting, *69 (okay really...what the fuck is caller id for then?), call-forwarding (i have a mobile phone...why in da hell would i EVER use this?!?) hell, the only reason i have local service is for the fax machine.

long distance - who needs that when i've got a mobile phone that gives it to me for free? i click "no"

internet - the fast but not the fastest shit at 37.95 cuz i want the streaming video. my flatscreen is attached to both the cpu and tv service, so i'm gonna check out online movies from netflix.

tv services - the ONLY reason i'm going with the 49.99 package is cuz it comes with the nfl network.

i get giddy cuz now i'm actually making some headway into getting prepared for the move next week. i click on the "purchase" button...

and these bastids tell me i have to purchase long distance.

what? hol up...why da hell would i need long distance if i have a cell phone that gives it to me for FUCKING FREE?!? that'd be like me buying dick when i have a boyfriend at home (meanwhile men everywhere are buying pussy in the streets with wifey at the crib, but i digress...)

i click on the long distance option just to see how audacious at&t is gonna be...i actually had to blink a few times, cuz i was sure i was seeing things.

they have a long distance plan alright...a TWO DOLLARS A MONTH AND TEN CENTS A MINUTE long distance plan.

what the fuck? oh, i get it...the two dollars is payment for the dry stick they plan to shove up my ass...and the ten cents a minute is for the actual shoving of said dry stick up my ass...got it.

oh HELL TO THE DOUBLE NAW THE FUCK THEY DIDN'T.

okay, i'm not getting at&t. i'm just not. it's the fucking principle of the damn thing.

only now, because of the damn near fucking monopoly they've got over atlanta local phone services, i can't find enough competitors with comparable rates. ironic...slavery ended over a century ago and yet i'm now enslaved to the price-fixing tactics of at&t. fugga dat. this runaway slave here is bouta escape over de hills into comcast territory...

GIVE US, US FREE, GAWTDAMNIT! GIVE US, US FREE!