Tuesday, June 12, 2007

three is all of me

television ain't telling nothing but the truth.

i mean, all black women are sarcastic and angry chicks with an adversion for people seeing their va-jay-jay's during labor. you know, the chicks who despite being surrounded by oversexed beautiful people, are somehow the only folk in the entire ensemble who don't want or need sex cuz they're married (as though marriage has stopped other folk from screwing around).

or they're successful, then unsuccessful, then straight up unstable chicks, who despite having money and a hot body and good friends around them are so preoccupied with the task of finding a man to save them from their unfulfilling lives that they end up drunk on the side of the road after having crashed their sports car...

or they're among the chicks whose occupation is to stand around looking sweaty and sexy or draped over some guy with her ass in the air, wearing shorts so tight the video director keeps yeast infection medication on the set next to the prop bottle of cristal. the perks include giving blowjobs to rap artists who already wear a permanent tattoo of saliva stains on their balls, standing around in three inch heels wearing nothing but a bathing suit while the men around them rap about fucking hos like them, and telling documentary filmmakers how they see this as merely a stepping stone to better things like working on shows where they get to play the love-starved black chick who can't get her shit together or the average sidekick black chick who gets to watch while everyone else get the ass and attention while she gets the sarcastic one-liners. better yet, she can become a celebrated authoress who ends up on oprah. come on, tell me that ain't the bomb gig...

and you're right! all black men are doctors or cops and they all date women who aren't black. but can you really blame them when their choices are the crazy chick who'd probably end up stalking them, the asexual angry chick who would slap his hand away if he attempted to touch the va jay-jay, or the skanky chick with dried cum stains encrusted in the corners of her mouth and enough yeast between her legs to be an oven at a wonderbread factory? shit, i'd be dating the asian chick too.

that's aiight though, cuz every now and again the black chick will end up with a cute white guy, so long as she's so light-skinned and european-featured she looks like a white chick with a tan. oh, and she has to have an accent and she can't be from america.

really, we need to be thanking television for it's sensitive and accurate portrayal of black women in our limited facets instead of getting pissed off and saying stupid shit like "black women are woefully underrepresented on television overall and damn near non-existent in series that don't require us to break into song or crack a fucking joke." or "out of the 28 new shows in the fall lineup, only THREE shows have a black woman as a part of the regular cast."

cuz as you can see, all we really need is three.