this weekend was something...

i needed a few days to recover from what turned out to be a rather eventful weekend. it started on saturday when dex left for the baltimore con. i had a whole weekend to myself and was intent on spending it sprawled out on the couch while i wasted the minutes away watching the cartoon network. then my friend candice called and all my carefully laid plans were stomped upon with her 3 inch stilletto heels.

see, she wanted to go out. i couldn't come up with any kind of excuses and frankly, the idea of getting out in the georgia sun was sounding more and more appealing. the tentative plan was to get lunch and then just hang out. here's the thing with candice and i...we're both leo women which means we both have the understanding that we're beautiful and irresistable. we're not vain, just sure. however, we're very different beyond that. candice is what i'd call a ghebuppie diva. she's that black urban professional whose idea of having street in her is having a drug dealer fuck her doggie style. she's both snobbish and down to earth. i can't explain how this is possible, but it is. she never goes outside of her house wearing anything like jeans and a t-shirt, only slacks, blouses, and heels. her outfit is accompanied by matching accessories, including the earrings, purse, necklace, and shoes. she never goes without her lip gloss, as it accentuates her full lips. she never wears sweats unless she's working out and even then her sweats look brand new all of the time. she doesn't mind wearing a wig every now and again, has had cosmetic surgery, and gets her eyebrows threaded. she's got at least a hundred pairs of shoes.

anybody who knows me knows i'm the exact opposite of all that. mostly all i wear are jeans and t-shirts. the only reason i have a purse is because candice bugged the shit out of me to get one because she was tired of me walking into the clubs with my slingback bookbag. when i wear dresses or skirts, i'll wear heels. i generally save that kind of outfit for when i'm going out, though. i never wear matching accessories because that's too much work, rarely if ever wear lipstick of any kind, and wouldn't dare cover my locs with a wig. i've got about ten pairs of shoes, and three of them are athletic shoes.

how da hell did we end up friends? i'm not even sure, but she's my best friend and we share everything (except men, of course.) our sensibilities are different in that she's more of a conservative southern baptist belle, while i'm more of a progressive northern nondenominational bitch. somehow it works, though.

anyway, getting back to saturday...we head out with the intention of getting some lunch. she wanted to go to the mall. i most definitely DIDN'T. i hate malls. it's the equivalent of someone hanging their smelly and stained underwear on a clothesline they put in the front yard so everyone who drove or walked by could see the shit stains. of course, candice not only wants to go to the mall, but she wants to go to THE mall. lenox mall, the most famous of malls in georgia because it boasts the reputation of having been the place where stars are discovered. it's also the place where many famous folk go to shop. the last time i was there, i saw doug e fresh in the macys with his wife. he was standing outside the dressing rooms in the lingerie department. meanwhile, once i discovered who he was, i dropped the 38DD bra i had in my hand. not that i was embarrassed by the fact that i have big breasts. i was appalled at the idea of the guy who was responsible for "the show" bearing witness to the act of me buying a bra. of course, i still had a pair of pristine white granny bloomers in my hand. that didn't register until i saw him look at me before glancing to see what i had in my hands. when i looked down and saw i was still holding onto the granny panties, i grimaced. then i remembered that many black women have phat asses that sometimes need full coverage. i looked back up at him and grinned that "you know i've got a phat ass so i need big panties" look on my face. he responded with a grin and a wink. then his wife walked out of the dressing room and i realized she had a phat ass too, with some granny panties in her hand.

you damn right.

so anyway, back to the story of saturday...candice and i ended up at lenox mall. i hate lenox mall. we got something to eat in the food court and people watched from our advantageous perch at a table located right in the middle of two walkways. one thing i learned from sitting there is that there are more and more women who look like men in atlanta. i saw at least four women who had evidently had either their breasts removed or they'd bound them. they were strutting around with the assumption that if they grabbed their crotches every five minutes, they'd look more like men. the action only made me wonder if they had a vaginal infection of some sort. from my experience, the only time i've witnessed guys grabbing their crotches is when they're either putting it in their pants or taking it out. it was a bit of overkill on the part of the pseudomyns...

we were surrounded by people of all different sizes, shapes, colors, ages, and levels of sanity. the dominant population though was the "looking to be in diddy's next video as either the one of the hoochies or one of the entourage" group. everyone was dressed to impress...impress other folks who were dressed to impress...in other words, regular folks disguised as something spectacular so they could impress others in the same disguise. they walked around with versace bags that held their keychain purchases (cuz that's all they could afford up in the store), their eyes looking eagerly and intently at everyone they passed by, with the intention of recognizing a celebrity. i got a number of those kinds of stares cuz evidently if a black woman has locs, she's automatically a whoopi goldberg lookalike. i sighed before telling candice i was ready to get da fuck up out of there.

i drive her back to my apartment and she picks up her car. we decide we're gonna meet up at her house later before heading to the reggae club. and that's where part two of the weekend began...